Trump Gives New York Times Pulitzer For Reporting On Spies In His Underpants

One of the genres of news story we love best (that's sarcasm) is when something breaks that's not actually totally new, but just more details on something we already knew the general parameters of, but then certain people treat it as BRAND NEW. For instance, look what Dillweed is tweeting about this fine morning:

Well that's just FAN-DAMN-TABULOUS. It's too "hot" to avoid, because "hot" needs quotation marks, any native English speaker would put quotation marks there.

So the New York Timessays there are spies in Trump's underpants, and he's screaming TOLD YOU. Let's see what Pulitzer-worthy hot scoop that serves to validate Donald Trump's preconceived notions that couldn't come out at a worse time Adam Goldman and Michael Schmidt are serving us today, and yes, we are throwing shade, because that is kind of their thing:

The conversation at a London bar in September 2016 took a strange turn when the woman sitting across from George Papadopoulos, a Trump campaign adviser, asked a direct question: Was the Trump campaign working with Russia?

That's weird.

"Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy! But here's my number ... ARE YOU DOING A RUSSIAN CONSPIRACY?"


So the story is that this lady was presenting herself as a "research assistant," but really, the FBI had sent her to try to find out WTF was going on with Pap telling everybody in spitting distance of the English Channel that Russia had Hillary's emails and was gonna use 'em. (NARRATOR: They didn't actually find out WTF.) She said her name was Azra Turk. (It wasn't.) The article acknowledges that this is "one previously unreported detail of an operation that has become a political flash point," because of how Trump and Bill Barr and Mark Meadows and Devin Nunes and Jim Jordan and (INSERT NAME OF PERSON WHO SHOULD WEAR A HELMET FOR THEIR OWN PROTECTION) are just pretty sure the Deep State improperly spied on the Trump campaign.

"Turk" (IF THAT IS HER REAL NAME, J/K IT'S NOT) was posing as a research assistant to Cambridge professor Stefan Halper, who had been an informant for the FBI for ages, and who had been sent to "brush up" against Trump idiots to see if what the FBI was hearing about them improperly cahoots-ing with the Russians was true. (NARRATOR: It was.) Look, here is a Wonkette article from May of 2018 that name-checks Halper specifically!

But Pap -- because he is S-M-R-T -- didn't think "Turk" was really a research assistant, because (we're not kidding) she was hot:

When Mr. Papadopoulos arrived in London on Sept. 15, he received a text message from Ms. Turk. She invited him for drinks.

In his book, "Deep State Target," Mr. Papadopoulos described her as attractive and said she almost immediately began questioning him about whether the Trump campaign was working with Russia, he wrote.

Mr. Papadopoulos was baffled. "There is no way this is a Cambridge professor's research assistant," he recalled thinking, according to his book.

And you thought we were kidding. What, you didn't know "too hot to be a Cambridge professor's research assistant" was a thing? It is a thing, if you are known weird motherfucker George Papadopoulos.

Anyway, Pap thought maybe the lady who said her name was Azra Turk was working for Turkish intelligence, we guess because she was A) hot, and B) said her name was "Turk." By this logic, we can only assume Pap needs to be kept at a safe distance from Miss America at all times, lest he get a boner and have a heart attack because he knows anybody who says their name is "Miss America" is clearly a spy from the NSA.

It does seem that Halper and Turk might have given up the game little bit maybe:

The day after meeting Ms. Turk, Mr. Papadopoulos met briefly with Mr. Halper at a private London club, and Ms. Turk joined them. The two men agreed to meet again, arranging a drink at the Sofitel hotel in London's posh West End.

During that conversation, Mr. Halper immediately asked about hacked emails and whether Russia was helping the campaign, according to Mr. Papadopoulos's book. Angry over the accusatory questions, Mr. Papadopoulos ended the meeting.

"I wanna fuck you like an animal. I wanna feel you from the INSIDE OF YOUR CONSPIRACY WITH RUSSIA TO HURT HILLARY CLINTON AND HELP DONALD TRUMP!"

Yeah, coulda been more subtle, if the account from Pap's book is to be believed.

Like we said, the only part of this that's new is "Azra Turk." WE HAVE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME that the overall investigation into the Trump campaign's ties to Russia (code name "Crossfire Hurricane") began after Australia told American law enforcement on July 26, 2016, that one of Trump's little minions was running around Europe drunk-jizzing with excitement because Russia had big email dirts on Hillary Clinton and was gonna use them to screw her election chances. We knew this. We've been debunking GOP lies now for ages, as they've lied and accused the FBI of starting the investigation solely based on the Steele Dossier, a lie they told because it obviously fit their howler monkey narrative. (HILLARY paid the DEEP STATE to pay FUSION GPS to do a DODGY DOSSIER where TRUMP GETS PEED ON and that is FAKE NEWS and WITCH HUNT!) Expect massive shit-flipping moments from Jim Jordan and Mark Meadows -- they might have happened already! -- now that they have a motive to be "honest" about the actual beginnings of the FBI investigation. And expect more shit-flipping like the tweet above from Donald Trump, because obviously.

Attorney General Bill Barr told Congress he definitely believes there was "spying" on the Trump campaign, but that it was "anemic" if all it consisted of was Halper, plus the FISA warrants on Carter Page, who had been on the FBI's radar as America's Stupidest Little Probable Russian Intelligence Asset FORFUCKINGEVER. (Because hey there, Bill Barr, we have read the FISA warrant applications on Carter Page and they are not solely or even mostly predicated on the Steele Dossier.) And hey, maybe Barr is right about the FBI's initial response being "anemic." We do know that part of why Christopher Steele eventually went to the press was because, as Fusion GPS co-founder Glenn Simpson testified to Congress, Steele felt the FBI was not sufficiently freaked out by what he was hearing from his sources, and was tired of flapping his arms and trying to get them to do more. (What a Deep State conspiracy against Trump!)

Department of Justice Inspector General Michael Horowitz is reportedly investigating the FBI's use of Halper and Turk, so we'll see if he acts as an honest broker or if he just tells Trump and Jordan and Meadows what they want to hear about all the spies in their underpants.

But for the fiftieth time in this post, remember that we knew this. And none of it was fucking inappropriate. If one of your strongest allies comes to you freaked out and warning you that the Russians may be courting and co-opting people on one of your presidential campaigns, you listen. (And NARRATOR: According to the Mueller Report, THE RUSSIANS WERE DOING EXACTLY THAT.)

Fucking fuck, everything is so stupid right now.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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