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May I have this weird disgusting dance?


GODDAMMIT, what is wrong with him? When Donald Trump got out of the limo to greet French president Emmanuel Macron in Paris Thursday, their handshake wasn't quite like it usually is. Normally, young, fit, sexually active Emmanuel Macron handles the tiny puss-grabbing hand of Trump with brute force, then stares into the nearest camera and makes love to it in the French language. Today was more subdued, as Macron just grabbed Trump's hand and held it where he wanted it, but more nice-like. So of course Trump had to immediately fuck it all up and remind the world what a gross creep he is, by doing SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD when he shook French First Lady Brigitte Macron's hand. They did the common French hug and kissy kiss on both cheeks, then Trump grabbed her hand WITH THE INCORRECT TINY PAW, held it in the air for a second, and then YANKED IT. You know, like normal people do.

Here, watch them both:

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? That was not a human gesture! But we guess the ladies just let Trump get away with it, on account of how he is a celebrity who takes them furniture shopping.

Trump completely made up for it later, though, by explaining to his wife and the French first couple that Brigitte is "beautiful" and "you're in such good shape!" This is a normal thing for the leader of the free world to say to the first lady of France, and it's not at all sexist.

Hey remember that time Donald Trump lied and said he was leaving Marla Maples for that OTHER French first lady, Carla Bruni? Bruni was like "Non, connard!" and it later turned out Trump had planted that fake news in the New York Post all by himself. At least he hasn't done THAT to Brigitte Macron.

Yet.

Trump continued to present America's best face to the world during his joint presser with President Homme Sexy. We already told you he used the occasion to blame Barack Obama for setting up that conspiracy meeting between his fugly son and that Russian lady lawyer. That was special. But he ALSO reaffirmed his commitment to our relationship with France, because "France is America's first and oldest ally." GOOD JOB SO FAR! END YOUR THOUGHT RIGHT THERE.

He did not end his thought right there. He added, "A lot of people don't know that," which is the thing he always adds when he's sharing information he's learned in the last five minutes. Remember when he told a room full of Republicans that a lot of people don't know Abraham Lincoln was a Republican? This was that, but more embarrassing because 1) EVERYBODY FUCKING KNOWS THAT and 2) he was on an international stage. We do not know how Macron made it through this presser without giggling:

He didn't say it, but he probably wanted to add that he's been hearing Joan of Arc has been doing tremendous work these days.

This post ends where it began, with a question: GODDAMMIT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?

Let's make ourselves feel better by gazing at Emmanuel Macron's fine-ass official portrait some more.

Oui oui!

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[Daily Caller]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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NO. IT CAN'T BE! Does the Republican-led United States Senate have ... a limit? Is there somehow a line they won't cross in this era of "Let's just go along with whatever Batshit McBigMac up there at 1600 Pennsylvania says and who cares if we destroy America in the process?" Turn out the answer to that question is maybe, and the limit is apparently when the crown prince of Saudi Arabia bone saws a Washington Post journalist to death and the president and the secretaries of State and Defense lie about it to their faces.

Senators do not like being lied to, no matter what party they're in. (Unless they're Chuck Grassley and it's Trump people lying about Russia and they're dangling sweet, delicious corn cobs in front of his face. Or if it's Lindsey Graham, when Trump's mouth is open. But otherwise they hate it.)

The Senate has been holding hearings and offering strongly worded resolutions aimed at forcing Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman to take responsibility for the Jamal Khashoggi murder, and also stop genociding the fuck out of Yemen and blockading Qatar and kidnapping the Lebanese prime minister and jailing dissidents, and SO ON. In short, the consensus is that MBS is out of goddamn control and needs to be reined in, yesterday.

On Thursday, the Senate followed that up WITH VOTES. Indeed, the Senate voted unanimously to blame MBS for the murder. (Right here, we are using the definition of "unanimously" that means ALL OF THEM, KATIE, because that is what "unanimously" always means.)

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CBP Photo, McAllen, Texas, June 2018

A seven-year-old Guatemalan girl died of dehydration and shock after she and other migrants turned themselves in to Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agents in the New Mexico desert last week, and that's America now, Merry Christmas (NOT "happy holidays," because this is a Christian nation, goddammit). The girl began having seizures about eight hours after she and her father were taken into custody by CBP near Lordsburg, New Mexico. Emergency responders got her on a helicopter to a hospital in El Paso, but she died the next day.

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