It was always going to end this way. And if the news headlines aren't scaring us enough, we need to take the time to laugh at them.

Because now Donald Trump is turning on Mike Pence, the one man who can DEFINITELY pardon him, you know, if Trump were to resign at 11:58 a.m. on January 20, so Pence could become president for two minutes and say, "By the power vested in me by Constitution, I, Bubbles Pence, pronounce you Man and Pardon!"

Axios reported this morning that Trump has been watching a Lincoln Project ad about how Pence is backing slowly away from Trump, and he's getting VERY ANGRY and very I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! "When Mike Pence is running away from you, you know it's over," the ad says. "On January 6, Mike Pence will put the nail in your political coffin when he presides over the Senate vote to prove Joe Biden won."

Hilarious ad, it makes Trump cry, let's watch it:


We learned the other day that Pence is indeed planning on doing his constitutional duty and taking a big poop all over Donald Trump on Jan. 6 in the Senate, and then planning to leave on a jet plane to Not America, where he is safe from Trump.

And now, because Trump is only loyal to people who are loyal to him, Axios says Trump would see Pence doing his constitutional duty as "the ultimate betrayal."

Burn the bridge with Pence, Donald. Oh my God, we dare you. Your orange ass might get to go to Gitmo!

This is how mad Trump is, as Axios keeps breathlessly trying to warn us:

Trump thinks everyone around him is weak, stupid or disloyal — and increasingly seeks comfort only in people who egg him on to overturn the election results. We cannot stress enough how unnerved Trump officials are by the conversations unfolding inside the White House.

Other people Trump currently hates, according to Axios, are White House Counsel Pat Cipollone and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Chief of Staff Mark Meadows and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Seems the only person Trump doesn't even hate a little bit these days is Sidney Powell. Which ... when your social/legal circle has been whittled down to "Sidney Powell," you are not only a complete reject loser, you are also in severe legal danger. (To be fair, maybe they're fuckin'.)

Cipollone, you will remember, demolished what little was left of his legal credibility when he argued on Trump's behalf during the Trump impeachment trial. Remember that HI-larious letter he wrote to Nancy Pelosi about how the impeachment wasn't even real? Anyway, Trump is reportedly "fed up" with Cip, because Cip won't do Trump's Playskool "My First Coup" with him.

Pompeo, whose gravestone will say he was a "heat-seaking missile for Trump's ass," said out loud the other day that the massive Russian cyber-attack on America, the one Trump is fine with unless he can blame it on China and say they also hacked the voting machines, was the Russians' doing. So he's persona non grata.

And then there is Moscow Mitch McConnell, who has proven time and again that he is more than happy to do fascism and power-grabs for Trump, and to protect Trump from the consequences of his crimes, but you have to keep his turtle ass buttered. Trump sent this graphic out to Republican members of Congress, about how much he hates Mitch now, because Mitch won't do coups with him and even said Joe Biden was the president-elect:

LOL, the poor dear thinks Mitch only won that Senate race because of him. As if Amy McGrath was ever going to win that race. (Sorry, Dems, she wasn't. Kentucky is a southern state that is 87 percent white. Stop wasting money on stupid races.)

Of course, Trump is shitting on McConnell right as Georgia is holding two Senate runoffs to determine whether McConnell will be the majority leader or a majority loser like Trump. It's also being reported today that McConnell will bring back the Senate after Christmas to override Trump's veto of the behemoth defense bill Trump opposes for "reasons," none of which make sense.

Trump is obviously attacking McConnell to not very subtly threaten other Republican electeds who might be inclined to acknowledge reality and fail to support his coup. Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell will do what is best for Mitch McConnell, like he always does.

Would hate for McConnell to get mad and respond by sending his wife Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, a member of Trump's Cabinet, a love note that says she and Disloyal Mike Pence and Mike "The Heat-Seeking Missile That Just Pulled Out Of Trump's Butt" Pompeo should do the 25th Amendment to Trump.

That would be just terrible, by which we mean bring it, America needs something to entertain us until Jan. 20.

Oh, what a situation Trump is in. He hates everyone, and everyone hates him. But most of all, he hates himself.

Anyway, merry Christmas!

[Axios]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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