Trump Heads To Arizona To Scream ROUTER! And Destroy State's GOP
It's shaping up to be a Hot Router Summer in Wingnuttistan after King Wing learned a new word. Here he is trying it out 11 times in 36 seconds at a rally this weekend in Phoenix, Arizona.
The county has, for whatever reason, refused to produce the network ROUTERS. We want the ROUTERS, sonny. Wendy, we gotta get those ROUTERS, please. ROUTERS! Come on, Kelly, we can get those ROUTERS. Those ROUTERS, you know what? It was so beyond the ROUTERS, there's so many fraudulent votes without the ROUTERS. But if you got those ROUTERS, what that will show! And they don't want to give up the ROUTERS. They don't want to give 'em. They are fighting like hell. Why are these commissioners fighting not to give the ROUTERS? How simple could it be? That will tell the truth.
This guy is either lying or severely impaired https://t.co/dueVT0Gdot— Molly Jong-Fast (@Molly Jong-Fast) 1627174843.0
Let's go with ... both.
As Salon's Zachary Petrizzo points out, this is probably "a reference to a MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell conspiracy theory which alleges the 'routers' of Dominion voting machines were connected to the Internet on election night and thus now need to be examined." Despite the county board of elections' repeated insistence that none of the voting machines were connected to the internet so the ROUTERS will show nothing relevant to election night, the amphetamine-addled squirrels that live in the Pillow Man's cranium (allegedly!) are sure they will prove once and for all that the election was hacked.
But Trump is right about one thing: Maricopa County has indeed refused to hand over its ROUTERS in response to demands from Republican legislators. After being forced to toss out $2.8 million of voting machines after handing them over to be irretrievably compromised by the team of Cyber Ninjas Arizona Republicans hired to conduct its fraudit, the county is loath to waste another $6 million in service of this sham investigation, which is how much it would cost to replace the ROUTERS, according to County Board Chair Jack Sellers.
Maricopa Sheriff Paul Penzone, whose department's internet traffic travels those same routers, called the demand to turn them over to the Cyber Ninja's "mind-numbingly reckless," complaining that the Republican legislators hadn't even consulted his team before demanding the machines be turned over to a private contractor.
"If you're making decisions that affect law enforcement, have the courtesy to at least hear from us," he told the local NBC affiliate.
There's also the small matter of exposing the structure of the county's entire network to hackers by making the ROUTERS and their contents a matter of public record.
Which is perhaps why Republican Arizona Attorney General Mark Brnovich, who hopes to defeat Democratic Senator Mark Kelly next year, is staying far, far away from this one. Not that it's going to help him with the MAGA faithful, who cheered wildly as Republican gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake stood next to Trump this weekend to inveigh against "dirty politicians sitting at home," an unmistakable dig against Brnovich and sitting Republican governor Doug Ducey, AKA "the backstabbers, the ones who turned their back on President Trump on Nov. 4, and they told us to forget about the November election, that nothing went wrong and we should get on with our lives. We're not going to do that."
"We have to hold these people accountable," Trump said, warming to his perfidious Republicans theme. "Hopefully — and I say this, and I have confidence in it — hopefully, your attorney general, Mark Brnovich ... will take this incredible information given by these incredible warriors and patriots, and he's going to take it and he's going to do what everybody knows needs to be done."
He also took the opportunity to shit on Ducey, whom "old crow" Mitch McConnell had wanted to conscript to run against Mark Kelly, until Trump torpedoed the idea. Because why on earth would you want a guy with universal name recognition who has already won statewide running for office when you could have some rando created in a test tube by Peter Thiel, right?
But if the Republicans want to eat their own in a magnificent ouroboros shitshow, who are we to complain, right?
ROUTERS, ROUTERS, ROUTERS!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.