Trump: Hey Kid, You Wanna Watch A Snuff Film?
GOOD MORNING. Today is one of those days where you may just not want to read the news at all!
But if you are brazen and bold, then I will act as yr Wonkette's international correspondent once again, and this time it's Britain! Here is your culturally 100 percent spot on, entirely complete history of British things, as they relate to His Most Dishonorable Of Sad Babies. (I am afraid that nobody remembered to unplug the kleptocrat-in-chief's phone charger last night which meant he has had access to the twitters again.)
Britain (and by the way people from the UK but not Britain will fucking cut you if you refer to the UK as Britain because that's basically like calling America "Texas" or "New York") is not the least racist place in the world! You may recall the empire generally, or the murder of MP Jo Cox by a white supremacist last year, or Nigel Farage specifically or that whole Brexit shebang where a ton of people voted to keep the immigrants out, for example.
You may also remember the 100 percent complete history of Australia in which I already explained to you people about how super-racist minor parties can totally be competitive in parliamentary systems! (Australia does ranked preference voting, where if your first choice doesn't win at the end of the first counting, your vote goes to your second choice and so on down the ballot until there's a clear winner. Britain has first past the post like we do, where whoever gets the most votes upfront wins. Other differences: Australia has mandatory voting, Britain does not. Australia has a thing called an informal vote, in which you draw a cock'n'balls on your ballot in protest. Britain has Lord Buckethead. Australia has democracy sausages. Britain has regular sausages.)
OK. So. Britain has a party called the British Nationalist Party, who are, to quote a British friend, "massive fucking twats." They are fascists. They think only white people should live in Britain. And they still weren't cool enough for the people who started a thing called Britain First, which broke away from the BNP six years ago.
They're a delightful group of people. That guy who shot Jo Cox? He shouted "Britain first" as he did it. Their group's deputy leader was convicted last year of what in American terms would be hate crimes for shoving a giant wooden cross in a Muslim lady's face and screaming at her. They like to make videos of themselves going around being general fucking Nazis to people in public. They've got their own militia who roam the world looking for children to terrify and women to harass. They enjoy invading mosques. They're all the worst things in the world.
Why is this relevant to us, you ask? Well, Donald Trump, who is to our eternal burning shame the President of the United States of America, is now tweeting snuff films. I am not going to embed these tweets or show you screenshots because fuck that entirely. (I have watched them for you and if you want to see them that fucking badly you can go right on ahead, Twitter is free. You will be one of millions of people who will watch that shit of your own free will and not because it is your fucking job. Maybe you will want to ponder that instinct.)
The hate crimer lady tweets a lot of anti-Muslim videos. With breathless commentary like "VIDEO: Islamist mob pushes teenage boy off roof and beats him to death!" and "VIDEO: Muslim Destroys a Statue of Virgin Mary!" and "VIDEO: Muslim migrant beats up Dutch boy on crutches!" Those are the three videos the president has retweeted today. Like I said, you don't want to watch them.
They are, however, entirely without context. There is certainly a crowd that definitely pushes a boy off a roof and beats him accompanied by the dulcet sounds of rapid gunfire and nearby explosions. There is certainly a dude smashing a statue and speaking Arabic. There is certainly a brutal beating in which a white kid on crutches is pummeled by a kid with tan skin. [NOTE: Turn up your brightness when you're watching the president's torture porn, kids, even if your children are asleep across the room and you really don't want them to wake up and see it, because if you don't the slightly tanner white kid will look regular tan. In fact they are both white kids! We regret the error and correct ourselves and we are sure that in no way was this particular video chosen to broadcast specifically because plenty of people keep low brightness!] But we don't know what the fuck we have just watched outside of those facts.
Not even 9 a.m. and we are now watching torture porn. And here's the kicker: Everyone on both sides of the pond is screaming DUDE WHAT THE FUCK at Donald Trump right now. No, I mean EVERYONE everyone. The man is posting snuff films trying to make us afraid of Muslims for fuck's actual sake. Even the racists are appalled.
Tweets above and below left in for context because when THIS dude says you're fucking up...
So here's the thing. You COULD drive up views for this horrific shit and follow this story obsessively. Or you could think about what this very smart person said and ignore these sad little people, and you could go talk to someone about politics today even though it's not polite and it might be really uncomfortable. We are past pussy hats and registering discontent. Go find someone who's not paying attention and fix that shit.
It's going to be a great day as US journalists find out about Britain First.
Quick primer: Stunt-loving anti-Muslim far-right social media troll group increasingly ignored even in the UK. At least until the US President started retweeting them. https://t.co/MmmiI7MKfE
— Jim Waterson (@jimwaterson) November 29, 2017
Fucking torture porn. Jesus.
We just watched murder porn to save your eyeballs. Money us please.