Trump Idiots 'Debunk' Michael Cohen Story By Shrieking HAW HAW BUZZFEED SUX!
It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.
First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:
Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:
That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)
We should add, not for nothing, that the Daily Mail is reporting (grain of salt) that Michael Cohen returned home to his apartment today with his arm in a sling and a black eye, wearing a hospital bracelet. And they have pictures! Personally, we are not seeing the "black eye," and there are a couple pics where it looks like his knuckles might be bloody, but who knows. For the record, his people say he had minor shoulder surgery today. Did Trump send somebody to rough him up, or was it a freelance job by one of the horse-fellating inbreds who still supports the president? Or did he just have surgery? WAS ONE OF THOSE HORSE-FELLATING INBREDS ALSO HIS NURSE? Dunno! Just letting you know it's out there.
Anyway, so that is how Donald Trump is handling the news.
In our morning post, we included some early reactions from the goons who populate Trump's orbit, which was funny, because literally nobody was denying the truth of the story. Rudy Giuliani's initial response, last night, was that if we believe KNOWN LIAR Michael Cohen, then he is going to sell us the Brooklyn Bridge for a bargain price. This, of course, intentionally ignored the fact that if you read the BuzzFeed article (a tall order for the average Trump supporter, we know), then you could see that Cohen was merely corroborating what Robert Mueller already knew, through interviewing other witnesses and reading internal emails and texts from the Trump Organization. Also, BuzzFeed's sources were two high-level law enforcement officials, not Michael Cohen.
But those details didn't stop White House press dude Hogan Gidley -- yes, that is a real name, and is not the name of the lovable sidekick basset hound from an upcoming cartoon about a group of pedophile Klansmen -- who went on Fox News and explained what's really going on here:
"... This is why the president refuses to give any credibility to news outlets ..."
Fox News was like, "That's not a denial."
" ... No, but the premise is ridiculous. We're also talking about a person, Michael Cohen, who, quite frankly, has now been proven to be a liar ..."
Fox News was like, "That's not a denial."
"... The president's attorneys already addressed this ..."
Fox News was like, "That's not a denial." Also, at the time of that Hogan Gidley interview (HOGAN GIDLEY!), the only lawyerly statement from TrumpWorld was that horseshit above from Rudy Giuliani, so we guess that's what he meant when he said they had "addressed this."
So, Gidley "refuted" the story by saying the fake news is stupid and Michael Cohen is a liar, even though Cohen wasn't the source for the story, ROBERT MUELLER'S RECEIPTS were the source of the story.
Newt Gingrich gave it a try. (Newt Gingrich is also a real name.) We don't think Newtie really knows who or what a "BuzzFeed" is:
Newt Gingrich responds to the Trump/Cohen perjury story: “BuzzFeed is the equivalent of those tabloids you buy at t… https://t.co/qxpz2Vjh3j— Bobby Lewis (@Bobby Lewis) 1547818798.0
Of course, if we were total dicks, we might point out that it sounds more like Newticles is talking about the National Enquirer than BuzzFeed News (which has been nominated for all the Pulitzers). You know, that rag Donald Trump committed campaign finance crimes with, by instructing Michael Cohen to have their Enquirer publisher pal David Pecker catch and kill stories from women claiming to have been mistresses to the man Russia cheated into the White House. Oh wait, we are total dicks, so we just pointed it out!
Anyway, that was not a denial either.
Kellyanne Conway went on Fox Business and attacked BuzzFeed's sources for being leakers, by saying BUZZFEED SUX, and by not denying the truth of the report.
Indeed, the noise got so loud, attacking the sources, accusing Michael Cohen of being the source, attacking BuzzFeed as a news organization, and attacking the reporters individually, that BuzzFeed reporter Anthony Cormier, who shared a byline on the bombshell report, went on TV to yell at Trump idiots, for being idiots:
"I am rock solid. My sourcing on this goes beyond the two on the record. It's 100%." - @BuzzFeed reporter… https://t.co/7SFKF5OpJe— Alli Hedges Maser (@Alli Hedges Maser) 1547816901.0
He also went on BuzzFeed's morning news show (which is a thing!) to say it's "fucking bullshit" how stupid the president's supporters are, unable as they are to get it through their empty heads that Michael. Cohen. Was. Not. The. Fucking Source.
"It's fucking bullshit, man. Read the story." @a_cormier_ has some words for the Trump supporters who think Michael… https://t.co/Kh2acy0Hf9— AM2DM by BuzzFeed News (@AM2DM by BuzzFeed News) 1547824095.0
At long last, though, we have a denial, maybe because fuckers on the internet couldn't stop pointing out how nobody in TrumpWorld had actually denied that Trump committed this crime. Of course, it came from Rudy Giuliani, a man with a broken brain and no reputation left to uphold:
Dipshit still hasn't read the article.
Anyway, doesn't Rudy Giuliani denying a thing usually mean Rudy Giuliani will accidentally admit to the same thing a few days/weeks/months/minutes later on live television? IT DOES.
Oh golly, whom should we believe? The piles of human-animal hybrid excrement that surround President Russian Agent Unindicted Co-Conspirator, or excellent news reporters from BuzzFeed?
IT IS A MYSTERY AND A CONUNDRUM.
Anyway, see if you can answer that question in this, your OPEN THREAD.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. Click below to donate so Wonkette can live forever!
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.