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Uh oh, it's the news we've all been expecting. According to the Daily Beast, Trumplandia is worried the president blew his load with his one attack on Elizabeth Warren too early, and now they are fucked. Nobody could have seen this coming, when Donald Trump's one #HotTake on Elizabeth Warren was "HAW HAW POCAHONTAS," and now that controversy seems to have passed and she's rising in the polls and ... oh shit!

All of this is very sad:


Over the summer, Trumpworld operatives, Republican Party oppo researchers, and GOP aides in Congress have all gleefully celebrated planting unflattering stories about Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Kamala Harris. But no one seems to have landed a lasting blow on Elizabeth Warren.

OK wait, what terrible stories about those other candidates have really worked? We mean aside from Rudy Giuliani's very important trips to Ukraine to try to convince the Ukrainian government to help him thread together a fake and incomprehensible Ukrainium One story about Biden corruption, using only Roodles's dingleberries and his imagination? That one is taking the world by storm, obviously.

Anyway.

So yeah, they did the Pocahontas thing, but now that doesn't work and ... sadface emoji:

"We all push out the bad Warren stories but they don't go very far," one Republican strategist said.

The Daily Beast talked to "10 Republicans, including Trump campaign and White House officials, associates of the president, and other GOP operatives with knowledge of the situation," and they're all saying the same thing, which is that nobody could have predicted Elizabeth Warren would have been this formidable, except, you know, everybody who's paid any fucking attention to her career. And it's not for lack of trying! They try to plant absolute bullshit about Warren all the time, they say, but nobody even cares! Everybody's all like "Oh cool, whatever, Warren has a plan for that," and ALL OF THIS IS NO FAIR.

[W]ith few punches landing, the worry is that Trump may have already taken his best shot, and that Warren will end up looking increasingly formidable for having bounced back.

Donald Trump blew his wad early, said probably every woman who's ever been so unfortunate as to find herself in bed with him probably.

Back in the wistful days of Trump and the GOP screaming "POCAHONTAS POCAHONTAS POCAHONTAS," the Daily Beast says the talk in the White House was that they really wanted to run against Warren. But now they don't say that anymore.

Even Donald Trump is scared. Of course, Trump has solid political instincts and a very good brain, so he's ... oh that's right, he's mean-tweeting Hurricane Dorian for refusing to follow his HEREBY ORDERS to go fuck up Alabama.

"Bernie just screams and shakes his fist but she's very strategic," one Republican Senate aide said about Warren.

Yeah, it's like she knows what she is doing or something.

Of course, the morons are telling themselves a story about how Warren will end up being a big loser if she wins the nomination, because they think all the people who love Biden now will just HATE her, because she's been running as a solid progressive. Barry Bennett, a Trump idiot who was an adviser on the 2016 campaign, is telling himself that story:

"[H]er base is her eventual undoing. To accumulate that base, she had to take hard-left positions that are wildly unpopular with swing voters."

There's no rational reason for Trump idiots to believe that, of course, since Warren has some of the lowest unfavorables among any of the Dems running (lower than Biden OR Bernie). But sure, Republicans, tell yourselves a bedtime story that makes you feel better.

But anyway, it's FINE, they're not freaking out, YOU ARE FREAKING OUT, and it's all about to change in ... [checks watch] ... let's say eight weeks, how about?

"If we're having these same conversations in eight weeks, that's a very different conversation," said Doug Heye, a Republican strategist, who chalked up the perceived lack of attacks as largely overblown.

"If you throw those punches but no one is watching the fight, it doesn't particularly matter."

Sure, whatever, cool story, my man.

In related news, there is some idiot named John Kass who wrote an op-ed in the Chicago Tribune yesterday that argues with a straight face that Elizabeth Warren has a patriotic responsibility to drop out and let Bernie be crowned the nominee, because Joe Biden sucks. Yes, that's his argument, and he's stickin' to it.

So we guess a lot of people are scared of Warren right now.

Hey, we have new Elizabeth Warren t-shirts. They don't have any boobs on them, because some of you were sad the old ones (still available!) were too much boobs. The only boobs on these are the ones you put in 'em! They're black or white, Editrix claims she is wearing one RIGHT NOW, and it looks like you're wearing a bumper sticker on your chest, which all the cool kids are doing.


Like we said, those guys are scared, and we are quite happy, so POST OVER, GOODBYE!

[Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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