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Let's check in with a couple of our favorite Trump surrogates and see how they're feeling after Sunday night's debate, shall we? Oh look, it's Alabama Republican Sen. Jeff Sessions, one of Trump's biggest endorsers and advisers, telling The Weekly Standard all his latest thoughts about pussy-grabbing and the Trumps who do it:

SESSIONS: This was very improper language, and he's acknowledged that.

THE WEEKLY STANDARD: But beyond the language, would you characterize the behavior described in that as sexual assault if that behavior actually took place?

SESSIONS: I don't characterize that as sexual assault. I think that's a stretch. I don't know what he meant—

TWS: So if you grab a woman by the genitals, that's not sexual assault?

SESSIONS: I don't know. It's not clear that he—how that would occur.

Well, hypothetically, somebody -- let's call him Donald -- would see a hot lady, he'd walk up to her, and instead of saying "Hello," he would use his star power to GRAB THEM BY THE PUSSY. Sexual assault complete!

RawStory points out that Sessions used to be prosecutor, which is just terrifying.

The Weekly Standard has a couple other Trump stooges saying things like "I don't know. I'm not a lawyer" in response to "THAT'S SEXUAL ASSAULT, RIGHT?" Big shruggie emoticons all around, we guess. Maybe they can ask a class of kindergartners who have recently learned about how to identify "wrong touch." Think that would help these dicks figure things out?

Now, let's cross the spin room to visit with Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, who was on cloud nine after Sunday night's debate, after Donald Trump delivered a "knock-out punch" to Hillary Clinton, by not disintegrating into a puppy pile of hair plugs and sadness on the debate stage. Good job, Trump! Conway was kicking her feet up and chatting with Chris Matthews on the MSNBC and had something to say to all these Republican haters pulling their Trump endorsements, just because he "sexually assaulted" all these ladies with his Trump-trademarked "Grab Them By The Pussy" move:

[Trump] is very gracious. He's a gentleman. I've never experienced that conduct. I would talk to some ... members of Congress out there, when I was younger and prettier, them rubbin' up against girls, stickin' their tongues down women's throats, uninvited, who didn't like it. ... And some of them by the way are on the list of people who won't support Donald Trump, because they all ride around on their high horse.

Conway went on to say she totally believes Trump when he says he only alluded to grabbing them by the pussy, and in fact did not ever act on his desire to grab them by the pussy, even though the entire point of that Trump conversation with Billy Bush was that he gets to grab them by the pussy because he is such a big star.

So ... her argument is that everybody does it, we guess, and also "Let he who has not also grabbed them by the pussy cast the first stone." This is not a good argument.

Conway also made some news when she told Chris Matthews, and we quote:

 

 

I'm with the campaign until the bitter end unless ...

Which led everybody and their mom to go "UNLESS WHAT?" What, pray tell, would Donald Trump have to get caught doing, for Kellyanne Conway to stop taking a paycheck from him, assuming he has actually paid her?

But before you get all lost speculating -- What if Trump murdered somebody in the middle of 5th Avenue? What if someone (else) comes forward to say Trump raped them, you know, besides the woman who already has? -- you should know Conway clarified to Rachel Maddow that she just meant like if her family needs her to come home or something:

Maybe she'll come down with an incurable case of "having dignity" and she'll jump ship, but until then, she's in it to win it lose it!

Sen. Sessions, Kellyanne Conway and all the other Trumpers' arguments for why their boy is totally innocent are just really convincing, and we can tell why the new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll taken after the nasty Trump video leaked has Hillary Clinton up ELEVEN POINTS. If they all keep talking like they are now, Trump will be down to 30% popular support by next Tuesday, yippee!

[The Weekly Standard / Esquire / RealClearPolitics]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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