President Good Brain Invents Fourth Of July

If you blinked sometime on Tuesday, you might have missed that Donald Trump, president of these United States due to a series of hilarious flukes and crimes, has had himself A IDEA. It is a good idea, and it came out of his brain!

Trump spoke during one of those press availabilities he does at his cabinet meetings, and he blew everybody's mind:

"We're thinking about doing, on the 4th of July or thereabouts, a parade, a 'Salute to America' parade. I guess it'd be really more of a gathering than a parade. Perhaps at the Lincoln Memorial. We're looking at sites. But we're thinking about doing something that would, perhaps, become a tradition," Trump said.

A celebration of America? On the Fourth of July? IN WASHINGTON?

Luckily, the president of these United States has a brain that thinks of everything:

"The fireworks (are) there anyway, so we just saved on fireworks. We get free fireworks because it's already being done. So, that's very good," Trump said, referring to the stash launched annually on Independence Day in downtown Washington.

Well yeah! How could you do a brand new Fourth of July tradition of doing a parade and/or gathering that salutes America without FIREWORKS, which are readily available since it already happens every single year on the Fourth of July?

We bet there might even be hot dogs. Would hot dogs be a good idea for this brand new event that happens every single year coinciding with a beloved federal patriotic holiday, Mr. Trump? Mitt Romney might like that, because his favorite meat is "hot dog"! Ooh! Ooh! What if ladies in Texas and Alabama made cakes and frosted them with blueberries and strawberries and white icing to make the red and the white and the blue, like the American flag?

There is just no telling what new and exciting ideas Trump might invent in that galaxy brain of his, once his Fourth of July dream has become a reality. A day in October where kids dress up like princesses and spooky goblins and demand candy from strangers? What about a thing in November involving shitloads of food? The possibilities are truly endless, so we will have to wait and see what brand new things Dear Leader announces for us.

Trump said there was already a point man for this brand new project, guy by the name of David Bernhardt over at Interior, who has been given the Sisyphean task of creating a parade and fireworks celebration that already exists. CNN quotes an Interior spokesperson with the latest update on how that's all going:

"Salute to America is a great idea. We are working diligently to present the best options to the White House."


So ... what the hell is going on here?

Is this just another example of maybe the president MAYBE POSSIBLY ALLEGEDLY having dementia, therefore he's not aware that every city and town in the whole country does shit like this on the Fourth? It could be. The dude is a fucking IDIOT, after all. However, he does seem to be vaguely aware that there are already fireworks around, for some reason, so maybe it's not just that.

Is this Trump doing that authoritarian thing he likes to do where he invents reality and expects us all to conform to it, knowing full well that his dipshit base will go right along with it? After all, he is right now claiming that he won FLAWLESS VICTORY on WALL, and even saying WALL is already being built, because he knows that given the choice between his statements and the unimpeded view into Mexico that currently exists because there is no WALL, his voters will choose him. He leads a political party that's literally messaging right now that Democrats want to legalize live baby executions, and also ban cows, because they all know their most fervent supporters will go for it.

Or maybe he is just pissed that the national celebration that already exists isn't named after Dear Leader, just like he's clearly been upset that all the Veterans Day/Support The Troops stuff America does is way more about veterans and troops than it is about making tanks and airp'anes go BOOM WHOOSH! in his honor. (See: all his constant whining about how there should be a military parade in his honor, maybe like the really cool one his best pal the North Korean dictator gets!)

Is he just so low on actual accomplishments that he's pointing at random things and saying,"I BUILT THAT," even though Barack Obama and everybody else knows he didn't build that?

Maybe it is all of those things! Is Trump a dumbass? Yep? Does he wish he was the king of America, he whose will must not be questioned? You betcha! Is he a sad loser president who can't find his big ass with both hands, much less actually accomplish stuff?

Are we supposed to go along with this? Hahahahaha, fuck no. Should we make fun of the president a lot to his face? AYUP!

Rachel Maddow opened her show Tuesday night by making so much fun of President Sundowner McWordSalad. You should watch it while we go write about something else:

MSNBC 02 12 2019 21 00 33

[New York Mag]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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