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Here comes the tantrum.


Oh GOD. Well, we can blame John Dickerson of CBS News for attempting to do some journalism while interviewing Donald Trump. Standing in the Oval Office, Dickerson was just trying to ask Trump whether he's made nice-nice with Barack Obama, especially after Trump wasted a month of America's Sundays with his completely unfounded bullshit about how Obama did "wire tapps" to him at Trump Tower. Hopefully, when Trump guts the First Amendment, these sorts of unfair questions from reporters will no longer be allowed!

Trump told Dickerson he does NOT stand by anything he said about Obama, because he doesn't have to stand by it, because he is always right and perfect and good, and when Dickerson kept asking questions, Trump had a little meltdown and commanded the mean man to go away, like his mama taught him to say to mean bullies with normal-sized hands:

DICKERSON: Did President Obama give you advice that was helpful?

TRUMP: Well, he did, but after that there were difficulties. So, it doesn’t matter to me. You know words are less important to me than deeds. You saw what happened with surveillance, and everybody saw what happened with surveillance.

DICKERSON: Difficulties how?

TRUMP: Well, you saw what happened with surveillance, and I think that was inappropriate.

DICKERSON: What does that mean?

TRUMP: You can figure that out yourself.

Jesus lord in heaven, what is wrong with the president's brain?

DICKERSON: The reason I ask is you called him “sick” and “bad.”

TRUMP: Look, you can figure it out yourself. He was very nice to me with words, but, and when I was with him, but after that there has been no relationship.

DICKERSON: But you stand by that claim about him?

TRUMP: I don’t stand by anything. I just, you can take it the way you want.

Fair enough. Attention America: There is no reason to believe anything that comes out of Trump's mouth (or his Twitter hole), because he doesn't stand by any of it. It's literally all bullshit.

TRUMP: I think our side has been proven very strongly, and everybody is talking about it. And, frankly, it should be discussed. I think that is a very big surveillance of our citizens. I think it’s a very big topic, and it’s a topic that should be number one, and we should find out what the hell is going on.

No no no no no nononononononono. NO. Trump's side has not been "proven very strongly," and honestly at this point, fucking nobody is talking about it anymore. There was a week-long dog-and-pony show when House Intelligence Committee chair Devin Nunes went to the White House to see allegedly super secret classified information about Obama's "wire tapps," so he could then go to the White House to tell them about this super secret classified information they had just given him, in order to distract America from the many investigations into Trump's ties with Russia. Of course, when other members of the congressional intelligence committees finally got to view the documents Nunes was having such a hissy about, they found them to be useless and irrelevant. Also, now Nunes has had to recuse himself from the investigation because he's being investigated for MAYBE leaking a little classified information during that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. Oh, and the Russia investigations are still ongoing.

Remember what we just said about how literally everything Trump says is bullshit?

Now we get to the part where Trump starts crying and kicks the mean stranger out of his office:

DICKERSON: I just wanted to find out. You’re the president of the United States. You said he was sick and bad because he tapped your—

TRUMP: You can take it any way you want.

DICKERSON: But I’m asking you, you don’t want it to be fake news, I want to hear it from President Trump.

TRUMP: You don’t have to ask me, you don’t have to ask me.

DICKERSON: Why not?

TRUMP: Because I have my own opinions, you can have your own opinions.

DICKERSON: I want to know your opinion. You’re the president of the United States.

TRUMP: That’s enough. Thank you. Thank you very much.

At that point, Trump may or may not have gotten on top of his desk, stuck his voluminous ass in the air and shouted, "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!" until President Bannon shut him up by cramming a pacifier in his mouth.

Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, this is your president. The leader of the free world. The guy with the nuclear codes (assuming the Pentagon has actually given him the real ones).

Doesn't he make you PROUD?

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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