Morning Wonketariat! If you're in Madison, Wisconsin, you're invited to your comrades' home TONIGHT! 5118 E. Buckeye Rd. Thurs., March 15, 6 to 8:30 p.m.

Now here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Yesterday Trump was rambling to some old, wealthy and cantankerous racists donors in St. Louis, Missouri, when he bragged about making up facts on US trade policies with Justin Trudeau, and threatened South Korea, Japan, China. Trump also talked about himself, how bigly he won the election in 2016, how Conor Lamb said "very nice things" about him, the "bowling ball test" (???) and how he wanted to call his tax cuts (for the super rich) "The Tax Cut Cut Cut plan."

The Trump Organization is playing deaf, dumb, and blind about a legal document filed by a Trump lawyer meant to gag Stormy Daniels from talking about her ALLEGED affair with Trump. To make matters even more sticky, Daniels's lawyer says there's even MORE women trying to come forward.  [Video]

Vanity Fair's Gabe Sherman has a new piece this morning on Trump bitching to John Bolton about HR McMaster fraternizing with Susan Rice, and potentially replacing Jeff Sessions with Scott Pruitt.

Trump hired Larry Kudlow, the aging loudmouthed Reganite who jerks off to the Wall Street Journal, to be his economic advisor after seeing him talk on TV. According to Politico, Trump was watching TV last night and called Kudlow at dinnertime to tell him, "You're looking handsome."

Ben Carson and his wife now say they only worried someone might break their ass on the old HUD chairs, so they rushed to spend $31,000 for new dining room furniture before the end of the fiscal year, according to emails between Carson and his wife. 

Here's a round-up of all the high-flying fuckery Trump's minions have been up to since bumbling their way into public office.

Mike Pence has a loyal toady in Nick Ayers, and Ayers has been quietly working with Pence to keep Pence in the loop and position Pence for his own presidential run. This is a long one, but it's damn good.

The Pentagon was having a grand old time at Trump's Panama property for $17,000, potentially violating yet another constitutional law that bars the president from double-dipping from Uncle Sam's piggy bank.

Trump's "brilliant" lawyer, John Dowd, has been cited by the FEC for "excessive, prohibited and impermissible" contributions to the Trump campaign in 2017 after Dowd gave more than $2,700. "The best attorneys, folks."

The Senate passed a repeal of Dodd-Frank provisions created to prevent another global financial meltdown, and nobody was more angry than Elizabeth Warren. Warren scared a number of vulnerable Democrats after she started to call them out by name for their support of the "Bank Lobbyist bill."

After seeing Conor Lamb pull off a stunning upset in Trump country, Republicans are mulling how to win with Trump, while Democrats consider shitting on Nancy Pelosi to win in November. All's fair in love and war, and politics.

After hearing Thad Cochran was finally going to retire, opportunistic piece of shit Chris McDaniel changed his mind and will run for Cochran's Mississippi Senate seat, so he can piss on Cochran's grave AND fuck an intern on his Jefferson Davis desk!

Democrats deep in the heart of Texas are ordering heaping spoonfuls of cash from the DCCC, but they're asking them to hold the strategists.

Congress WAS flirting with the idea of raising the minimum age to buy assault weapons to 21, but then the NRA broke out its checkbook and everyone pussed out. Thanks for nothing.

A Texas judge has dismissed a lawsuit from the parents of "clock boy," who was arrested after school officials mistook his DIY clock for a bomb in 2015.

Some redneck bidding to build Trump's wall was arrested for trying to bomb a women's health clinic. He's being charged with arson and possession of machine guns -- not terrorism or hate crimes.

As she struggles to stand atop a mountain of her own political failures, British Prime Minister Theresa May is the only Western leader taking action against Russian fuckery, then again, she's kind of out of options.

UN Ambassador Nikki Haley condemned Russia during an emergency meeting of the UN Security Council, however there's speculation about whether Haley will be sidelined so that Mike Pompeo can dust off his waterboard.

This is just a friendly reminder that the Pentagon does not want to talk about about why the US has special forces operating in African countries. Ssshh, it's a secret!

California state lawmakers have drafted legislation that would create net neutrality rules even stronger than the old rules repealed by the FCC by making it illegal for certain apps to swap data caps for cash.

Bitcoin crashed (again) yesterday and dragged the rest of the volatile funny monies on the Internet with it; losses totaled in the billions of dollars, and nothing of value was lost.

DJTJ is getting ready for his first divorce. Like father, like son.

A "gang war" has erupted in Disneyland with members of the White Rabbit Social Club suing the Main Street Fire Station 55 Social Club. After the defendants bragged about dodging lawyers on a podcast, the judge called it "boring and a waste of time," and ordered legal documents to appear in several local papers in order.

And here's your morning Nice Time! PUPPIES AND BABY GOATS!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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