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HEY-O, worried about the president's brain again!

Trump was meeting with NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg on Tuesday -- you know, that alliance we're supposed to be protecting -- and he made the mistake of speaking out loud to journalists in the room, like he always does. As usual, it didn't go well.

First, he got very mad about how the Mueller report -- you know, the one he really wants us all to see, except for how he doesn't -- fails to cover the "oranges" of the investigation into his ties with Russia. We'd call it a slip of the tongue if he didn't say it three times.


He's talking about the Fox News/Devin Nunes conspiracy theory that rogue bad FBI actors decided, obviously upon Hillary Clinton's command, to start a fake investigation into his campaign. You know, the "oranges." He does that weird thing where he tries different words, like "start" and "beginning," but he just keeps going back to the "oranges." Hey remember that time Trump had so much fun trying to angrily say "anonymous" when that anonymous Trump White House person wrote in the New York Times about how they went to work every day to undermine him? He shoulda just said "oranges"!

Interestingly, in complaining that the "oranges" aren't in the Mueller report, Trump sounds like he knows exactly which "oranges" are in there, which is funny, because Bill Barr said he'd be keeping those oranges to himself, instead of letting the White House have a sneak peek. Was Bill Barr lying? Or is Trump just pulling oranges out of his ass, like he always does?

Trump also talked about Germany, which he loves, even though really he hates Germany, because Angela Merkel makes his panty-oranges feel small and weak. He explained that he has a certain affection for Germany, because of how his racist dad was born there.

My father is German, was German. Born in a very wonderful place in Germany.

Nope! Fred Trump was born in New York City.

Donald Trump's grandfather was born in Germany, came to the Americas, ran a brothel in British Columbia, and all kinds of other stuff. His father, on the other hand, lied and said he had Swedish heritage, despite being born in New York. (It's kind of a long-running Trump family lie. Awwwwwww, the Trump family has lie traditions!) And we could say, oh sure, maybe he meant grandpa, except for how he has said this before. At least three times.

Does Donald Trump know where his dad was born? Or is he just lying about where his dad was born, for Trump birther lie tradition reasons we cannot even imagine?

And if he doesn't know where his dad was born, does this possibly call into question Trump's whole birther crusade against Obama? Maybe Trump is just convinced of extremely alternative facts about where everybody he's ever met was born, including his own family?

Just kidding, Trump birthered Obama because he is a racist.

Elsewhere during the short press availability, Trump said one thing correctly, which was horrifying in and of itself. On his bugfuck threats to close the border with Mexico, Trump said that yes, "It will have a negative effect on the economy." So he knows that! But then he said it's for "security," which is "more important than trade," so that's your America First president saying it's OK if the economy tanks, as long as the scary brown Mexicans who live in his imagination aren't invading America.

He went through a litany of all his buzzword grievances about immigration -- blah blah blah "chain migration" blah blah blah "visa lottery" blah blah blah "get rid of judges" (!!!) -- and then he explained why he recently cut off aid to several of the Mexicos (Central American countries) and bitched about the newly formed caravans, which have made record time traveling from Central America and into the president's bigot hallucinations.

They arrange these caravans. And they don't put their best people in those caravans. And they put people you don't want to have in the United States. We're not going to have them in the United States.

"They arrange" the caravans. And "they" don't put their best people. And the president seems to somehow connect this to the aid money, as if in exchange for all that aid, "they" should be arranging caravans with "their best people."

We know the president's brain doesn't function TOO BIGLY -- as evidence, see the rest of this post -- but we're amused by what Trump must think about how these caravans come together. As if there's two lines, one for the "best people" and one for "they don't put their best people," and only the second line is allowed by the government to go on the caravan.

Oh yeah, he also said dumb stuff about healthcare, but we have a whole post about his healthcare lies this morning.

In conclusion, the president is a fucking batshit idiot again, and we really do wish White House journalists would grow some oranges and ask him some real questions, like "What is your name?" and "How many fingers?" because we need to establish a baseline for what's really going on inside that stable genius brain of his.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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