This all came from his very good brain.

When Donald Trump went to Michigan on Saturday night to hide from that mean lady Michelle Wolf with all her #SmokyJokes, he told the gathered cohort of bumpkin sloth people MANY MANY THINGS, stream of consciousness-style, like he always does, about Andy McCabe is the devil and do you remember that time Trump won Michigan, even though these two lovers in the FBI were sexting each other a lot, in order to destroy Trump's chances of winning Michigan? It was a typical boring Trump speech, delivered for idiots, by an idiot.

There was one (1) interesting part, though. (Just the one!) Somebody apparently told Trump that Fake News MSNBC had aired a report from World's Hottest War Correspondent Richard Engel the night before, where Engel had interviewed Natalia Veselnitskaya, the Russian lady lawyer who came to Trump Tower in June of 2016 promising Junior Trump all the sweet Hillary Clinton dirt Russia had to offer. Engel got Veselnitskaya to finally cop to some of her lies, particularly the thing she always says about how she's a simple Russian country lawyer with no ties to the Kremlin, even though we always knew that was horseshit. Indeed, she talked about her close ties with Yuri Chaika, the prosecutor general of Russia, whom Trump buddy Rob Goldstone referred to as the "crown prosecutor" of Russia in the emails setting up the Trump Tower treason meeting. She even went so far as to say she was an "informant" for Chaika, by which she means an informant for the Kremlin, by which she means she's a spy. A fucking spy.

(There were a lot of spies in the room that day, actually! As the Bible says, wherever two or three Trump idiots are gathered, there will probably be a shit ton of Russian spies right behind them. Weird, right? We never understood that verse until this year.)

So Trump, apparently worried that Veselnitskaya's getting chit-chatty -- since it was also revealed on Friday that there's a good damn chance Trump knew about that Russian conspiracy meeting before it happened -- decided to talk out his orange ass about it some in Michigan. Have some incomprehensible words:

I guarantee you I'm tougher on Russia. Nobody ever thought. Have you heard about the lawyer? A woman lawyer, she said, I know nothing. Now she supposedly -- You know why? Putin and the group said, Trump is killing us! Why don't you say you are involved with government so that we can go and make their life in the United States even more chaotic? Look at what has happened. Look at how these politicians have fallen for this job. Russian collusion? Give me a break. Give me a break.

The only collusion is the Democrats colluding with the Russians, the Democrats colluding with lots of other people.

OK, we know it's difficult, but let's try to translate that into English, because we think Trump is saying the Russians (their "only collusion" was "with the Democrats," so this mangled zygote of a conspiracy theory what is hatching inside Trump's brain must start with the Democrats, who forced the Russians to do this) are getting "killed" so much by Trump (guess Trump's foreign policy of "free rimjobs and ice cream cones for Russians" is rougher than we thought) that they told the Russian lady lawyer who met with Donald Trump Jr. to LIE to Richard Engel and say she is an "informant," when the truth is she is just a simple Russian lady lawyer, even though she is deeply connected to the Kremlin, a fact we've actually known for A LONG TIME.


Can you make any sense of this, Adam Schiff?

Oh well, this has been a nice trip into President Good Brain's very good brain.

After exposing that CONSPIRACY!!!!!1111!! Trump talked about James Comey, have you seen him on the interviews, can you believe it, dishonest people, very fake news, and the crowd did that "EEE HAW! EEE HAW!" thing they do and then they all went to Cracker Barrel and refused to leave until the Mexican border wall is finished.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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