Trump Lawyer Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who


If you have ever met Donald Trump, it seems you need a lawyer. Trump, who already had several dumb and bad lawyers, recently hired Marc Kasowitz, who has virtually no experience being the kind of lawyer Trump needs right now, to represent him on Trump-Russia issues. (None of the experienced lawyers were willing to represent that dingus.) Vice President Mike Pence has hired Richard Cullen, who is WAY better than Kasowitz. Ivanka and Jared are lawyered up, as are Michael Flynn and Paul Manafort. And now Trump's original personal thug lawyer, Michael "SAYS WHO" Cohen, has hired a lawyer, who will probably have to hire a lawyer eventually, and that lawyer might have to retain counsel at some point, and so forth and so on. Sorry, West Virginia, your coal minin' jobs ain't never comin' back, but if you go to law school, YOU ALSO TOO could end up representing somebody who represents somebody who represents somebody who represents Donald Trump. It'll be easy as pie, just take one of them scammy online classes Betsy DeVos is busy deregulating!

Michael Cohen, who for years has served as President Trump’s personal attorney, has hired a lawyer of his own to help him navigate the expanding Russia investigation.

Cohen confirmed Friday to The Washington Post that he has retained Stephen M. Ryan, a Washington-based lawyer from the law firm McDermott, Will & Emery who has experience prosecuting criminal cases as an assistant U.S. attorney.

Good luck! We learned recently that Cohen is a person of interest in the Congressional investigations into Trump's ties with Russia, probably because he's got a lot of weird Russian connections of his own. He also has weird mob connections and owns an ethanol company in Ukraine, just like most people do. Early in the Trump administration, during that short window of time when literal actual foreign agent Michael Flynn was national security adviser, Cohen hand-delivered a pro-Russia "peace plan" for Russia and Ukraine to Flynn at the White House, or maybe he Snapchatted it to Flynn, or maybe he can't remember SAYS WHO?

Cohen is also a star of the infamous Steele Dossier, much of which has been confirmed, but he's not one of the pee hookers, because he's not that kind of girl. It just says he had clandestine meetings with Kremlin operatives and that he was "heavily engaged in a cover up and damage limitation operation in the attempt to prevent the full details of Trump's relationship with Russia [sic] being exposed." It also says he may have been involved in a meeting about how to pay the Russian hackers. Totally innocent stuff! For the record, Cohen says everything about him in that document is FAKE NEWS, and he tweeted a picture of his passport cover to prove it.

Hey WaPo, any other Trump people lawyering up?

Michael Caputo, a New York-based political operative and radio commentator who served as a senior communications adviser on Trump's campaign, also has hired a lawyer of his own to navigate the Russia probe. [...]

Caputo, who briefly worked for the campaign, was an ally to former campaign chairman Paul Manafort. He lived in Moscow for several years in the 1990s, and briefly held a contract in 2000 with the Russian conglomerate Gazprom Media to improve Russian President Vladimir Putin's image in the United States.

Neato! Caputo literally used to work for the Kremlin, but now that he's back in America, we're sure he's totally a patriotic flag-waving guy who yells "U-S-A! U-S-A!" a whole lot. He also, just like Rudy Giuliani and Roger Stone,seemed to have advance knowledge of upcoming Russian hacker leaks of Hillary Clinton dirt. The House Intelligence Committee is super interested in Caputo's activities, and we bet Robert Mueller is too!

This is all just totally normal, especially in the fifth month of a presidency. Is team Trump tired of all this #winning yet?

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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