Respect my AUTHORITAH!

When everyone is saying that you're an unhinged narcissist slipping ever further into the throes of dementia, the best way to prove them wrong is by losing your shit and telling your lawyers to fire off a letter telling people to stop saying that you're an unhinged narcissist slipping ever further into the throes of dementia. Obviously, the president is a master strategist, in full control of his mental faculties! Right, Mooch?

That's why Trump got his attorneys to fire off cease-and-desist letters yesterday to the publisher of Michael Wolff's upcoming book about Donald Trump and to Steve Bannon, the book's most quotable source.

Really, if there's one thing the president is making great again, it is legal Twitter.

Charles Harder, the infamous lawyer who took money from Peter Thiel to bankrupt Gawker, is threatening to sue Wolff's publisher Henry Holt & Co. for defamation and libel if they don't pull the book before its release next week. They're not pointing to any particular false statement, but they're sure that Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House (use that link and yr Wonkette gets a cut) is just chock-full-o'-LIES, and must be pulped immediately. They also charge that Wolff induced Bannon to breach his non-disclosure agreement with the presidential campaign. Plus another 12 pages of gobbledygook. Which we could lawsplain, but really WHO CARES? In no universe will Trump ever file any such lawsuit.

Truth being an absolute defense to defamation, Bannon and Wolff's lawyers would get to depose the president and his staff and ask them fun questions like, "Ivanka, did you or did you not say that the president, your father, has a big, old bald spot in the middle of his head and swirls a giant poof of Just For Men Impatient Orange colored hair up to hide it?"

Never going to happen! Besides which, LORDY, THAT WOLFF GUY HAS TAPES!

Trump and the brain trust would also like Bannon to quit speaking to Michael Wolff and being his source for a book which is already printed, shipped to booksellers, and in the hands of every reporter in DC. Which ... LOL! And they will be suing him "imminently" for all his Ameros because he breached his NDA by criticizing the Trump family.

Bannon is barred for all eternity from saying mean things about Don Jr. And Deej suffered grievous reputational harm, since no one ever suggested before yesterday that he is a treasonous little shitweasel. Well, maybe once or twice. But good luck with that!

Anyway, we expect that lawsuit to be filed sometime in the next two weeks. Definitely by the 5th of NEVER. They're kind of busy right now suing all those other people Trump threatened, but they'll get to it soon.

Yeah, we'll be sitting here holding our breath waiting!

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[Cease and Desist Letter, Holt / ABC / WaPo / WaPo, again]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube


6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,


Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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