Trump Lawyers Are Definitely Going To Sue Michael Wolff And Steve Bannon! Oh, Absolutely!

Respect my AUTHORITAH!

When everyone is saying that you're an unhinged narcissist slipping ever further into the throes of dementia, the best way to prove them wrong is by losing your shit and telling your lawyers to fire off a letter telling people to stop saying that you're an unhinged narcissist slipping ever further into the throes of dementia. Obviously, the president is a master strategist, in full control of his mental faculties! Right, Mooch?

That's why Trump got his attorneys to fire off cease-and-desist letters yesterday to the publisher of Michael Wolff's upcoming book about Donald Trump and to Steve Bannon, the book's most quotable source.

Really, if there's one thing the president is making great again, it is legal Twitter.

Charles Harder, the infamous lawyer who took money from Peter Thiel to bankrupt Gawker, is threatening to sue Wolff's publisher Henry Holt & Co. for defamation and libel if they don't pull the book before its release next week. They're not pointing to any particular false statement, but they're sure that Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House (use that link and yr Wonkette gets a cut) is just chock-full-o'-LIES, and must be pulped immediately. They also charge that Wolff induced Bannon to breach his non-disclosure agreement with the presidential campaign. Plus another 12 pages of gobbledygook. Which we could lawsplain, but really WHO CARES? In no universe will Trump ever file any such lawsuit.

Truth being an absolute defense to defamation, Bannon and Wolff's lawyers would get to depose the president and his staff and ask them fun questions like, "Ivanka, did you or did you not say that the president, your father, has a big, old bald spot in the middle of his head and swirls a giant poof of Just For Men Impatient Orange colored hair up to hide it?"

Never going to happen! Besides which, LORDY, THAT WOLFF GUY HAS TAPES!

Trump and the brain trust would also like Bannon to quit speaking to Michael Wolff and being his source for a book which is already printed, shipped to booksellers, and in the hands of every reporter in DC. Which ... LOL! And they will be suing him "imminently" for all his Ameros because he breached his NDA by criticizing the Trump family.

Bannon is barred for all eternity from saying mean things about Don Jr. And Deej suffered grievous reputational harm, since no one ever suggested before yesterday that he is a treasonous little shitweasel. Well, maybe once or twice. But good luck with that!

Anyway, we expect that lawsuit to be filed sometime in the next two weeks. Definitely by the 5th of NEVER. They're kind of busy right now suing all those other people Trump threatened, but they'll get to it soon.

Yeah, we'll be sitting here holding our breath waiting!

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[Cease and Desist Letter, Holt / ABC / WaPo / WaPo, again]

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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