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You bored with the back and forth over whether Donald Trump will be allowed by his lawyers to sit in front of special counsel Robert Mueller's team and lie to their faces before they've even asked a question? YOU'RE NOT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? IT'S ALL A BULLSHIT GAME OF CHICKEN, AND MUELLER ISN'T EVEN PLAYING!

Also, didn't we just do this a week ago? We did.

Anyway, feast your eyes on this mendacious horseshit from Maggie Haberman's latest hot scoop:


President Trump's lawyers rejected the special counsel's latest terms for an interview in the Russia investigation, countering on Wednesday with an offer that suggested a narrow path for answering questions, people familiar with the matter said. [...]

The president's lead lawyer in the case, Rudolph W. Giuliani, noted the documents that the White House has already provided and said, "We're restating what we have been saying for months: It is time for the Office of Special Counsel to conclude its inquiry without further delay."

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCK YOU.

Eight months! This "negotiation" has been going on for eight months! And it's not even a real "negotiation"!

Oh hey look, Robert Mueller just sent Wonkette a selfie to express how he feels upon reading Rudy Giuliani's latest mash note:

LOL, our bad, that is not Robert Mueller. That is the literal devil incarnate, who runs the Deep State with her emails. In other words, that is Robert Mueller's boss.

HAHA JOKES.

Um, anyway, funny quote from the Mags Haberville scoop article:

By making another counterproposal after months of promises that they were just weeks away from deciding about an interview, Mr. Trump's lawyers run the risk that Mr. Mueller could conclude they are negotiating in bad faith to prolong the investigation.

YA THINK?

Trump's lawyers continue to say they don't want Trump answering questions about obstruction of justice, and their stated reason is that they subscribe to the Nixonian belief that the president is allowed to murder babies in the middle of 5th Avenue, because he is president. The real reason is that they know their client is a fool and a fucking pathological liar who's only partially tethered to reality, and we say "partially" because we're being generous. Mueller, of course, would like to ask Trump questions on all his crimes, including obstruction, conspiracy with the Russian government, and whatever else Mueller has uncovered that we don't yet know about.

But doggone it, Trump really wants to talk to Mueller! Because Trump has spent so many decades huffing his own farts, he literally thinks he is so smart he can go in front of Mueller and convince him that he's innocent, and moreover that this is all a witch hunt. He thinks he can just weasel out of it the way he used to weasel out of crimes in his business. He has no fucking clue what he's dealing with here.

Look, maybe Mueller actually needs an interview with Trump to determine his intent, and if that is the case, there will be a subpoena fight and it will go all the way to the Supreme Court. But we doubt that. Donald Trump manages to confess his crimes on Twitter fifty times a week, and Mueller has ALL THESE RECEIPTS and ALL THESE INTERVIEWS and ALL THESE DOCUMENTS. We have a feeling his case is fully formed, and any Trump interview will just add a whole bunch of perjury to all the rest of Trump's crimes, like icing on the most disgusting cake you've ever been forced to eat.

In other words, Mueller has Trump dead to rights, and these negotiations are just him showing that he plays ball. Maybe he'd like to trick Trump and his stable of stable genius lawyers into letting the president be interviewed. Hell, if Mueller does ultimately decide to subpoena Trump, it might just be for sport at this point!

Meanwhile, Trump's fuckmouth lawyers will continue engaging in these VERY LOUD NEGOTIATIONS, which are VERY LOUD BECAUSE RUDY GIULIANI WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THEM, so that they have deniability when they ultimately say, "Turns out we can't do it! We tried, but that Robert Mueller character is just too unreasonable! He even says the president can be held accountable for obvious crimes, like have you ever heard something so crazy?"

Then Giuliani went on Hannity and said this:

Nobody tell him how Watergate ends! Okay thank you goodbye.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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