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if his mouth is moving ...


The saga of whether Donald Trump will sit down with Robert Mueller and pathologically lie to cover up whatever crimes he's committed, thereby catching perjury charges on top of whatever else Mueller has for him, continues! Trump's very smart legal team had been hoping maybe Mueller would let Trump do some of his interview as a take home test, or maybe a "Wheel Of Fortune"-style puzzle, where the solution is "NO COLLUSION! EVERYBODY SAYS THERE IS NO COLLUSION, EVEN THE DEMOCRATS."

Trump, for his part, has been very enthusiastic about doing an interview, because he has the best brain and the best words, which will lead Robert Mueller to exonerate him on the spot. (Except one time, Trump stated proudly that Mueller probably won't even want an interview because no collusion no collusion, everybody agrees that oh god Donald Trump, please shut the fuck up.)

But the New York Times reports that actually, come to think of it, everybody Donald Trump has ever met, including his lawyers, wants him to take the 5th without actually taking the 5th, and refuse an interview. This is because they have met Trump, and they know the man cannot go 60 seconds without lying for the sake of lying, because he's a pathological liar. For real, that is what Maggie Haberman's four sources say:

His lawyers are concerned that the president, who has a history of making false statements and contradicting himself, could be charged with lying to investigators.

Know a good way to avoid whatever "perjury trap" Robert Mueller is allegedly (but not actually) setting for Trump? BY NOT BEING A LIARFUCKINGLIAR.

Of course, as NYT notes, Trump refusing to do an interview could be kinda bad. First of all, Mueller could subpoena Trump's ass to a grand jury! NYT reports, though, that Trump's lawyers think Mueller might not have the balls to do that, to which Wonkette replies HAHAHAHAHAHAHALOLOMGYOUGUYS. So, once subpoenaed, Trump would have to sit in a room all by himself, without his lawyer, and lie to a bunch of strangers. (Many of whom are BLACK PEOPLE strangers, according to an anonymous witness Mueller has already dragged into the jury room. Uh oh, Mr. President! BLACKS!) If Trump ignored the subpoena, it would likely end up at the Supreme Court, and Trump would almost surely lose that battle, despite the scent of Gorsuch now stinking up that place.

Oh, and there is that little part about how people who refuse to talk to special counsels and grand juries tend to look GUILTYFUCKINGGUILTY. Of course, Trump has looked guilty from day one, so that's not new.

The Trump idiot lawyers advocating for no interview include John Dowd and Jay Sekulow, but not Ty Cobb, who is a REAL DUMB IDIOT (entirely possible) if he doesn't realize Trump will lie to Mueller about his inauguration crowd size before they even get to the questioning. On the other hand, known Twitter user Seth Abramson has a different theory, that Cobb is telling Trump to do an interview and telling him it will go great and that Mueller definitely won't catch him lying, because Cobb knows Trump is lying to his lawyers too. In essence, Abramson is saying Cobb is pushing for an interview in order to jujitsu his client into telling him the fucking truth.

Is Abramson right? Could happen we guess.

Regardless, the Trump legal team has some real novel excuses for why Trump shouldn't have to sit for an interview:

They are convinced that Mr. Mueller lacks the legal standing to question Mr. Trump about some of the matters he is investigating, like the president’s role in providing a misleading response last summer to a New York Times article about a meeting Mr. Trump’s son Donald Trump Jr. had with Russians offering dirt on Hillary Clinton. The advisers have also argued that on other matters — like the allegations that the president asked James B. Comey, then the F.B.I. director, to end the investigation into the former national security adviser Michael T. Flynn — the president acted within his constitutional authority and cannot be questioned about acts that were legal.

That's right, it's illegal to ask the president whether he obstructed justice, because the president is obviously above the law. Have the lawyers offered to let Trump answer questions, but only if they're asked by a deaf senator who's almost dead? Because that would be a good play on a strategy that worked out awesome for Richard Nixon.

Keep stalling, assholes. You're just giving Mueller time to make his case against Trump even more BIGLY YOOGE.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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Screenshot NRATV

DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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