Before Donald Trump kicked off TGIF Executive Time with a good Twitter rant about the unkind "sentencing" of poor Paul Manafort, there was this morning, when Trump met reporters on the north lawn of the White House and spoke into existence some of the most breathtaking and vile lies we have ever heard. And that is sayin' something, considering how we are talking about a delusional pathological liar who wouldn't know the truth if it grabbed him by the pussy and took him furniture shopping.

But before we get to the lies, we must flag this, for it is a rare example of the man telling the truth about the tinpot dictator he'd like to be. Trump is talking about Kim Jong-un, and how gay he is for Kim Jong-un now:

He's the head of a country, and I mean, he's a strong head. Don't let anyone think anything different. He speaks and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same!

Go fuck yourself with a remaindered copy of The Art Of The Deal.

After that, Steve Doocy, ever the good and faithful Fox News servant, pointed out that before Trump and Kim met, Kim had "cleaned house" of some of his top people, and Trump excitedly alluded to the possibility that maybe Kim did even more than just fire them! (You know, because Kim kills his people, and also his family, not that Trump would want to do anything like that to his son, Junior With The Messed Up Face!) Oh, the president of the United States sounds so jealous!

OK, that was a a rare and good example of Trump telling the truth. We'll tell you another one at the end of this post, but now is the time for LIES!

Here is Trump saying the Department of Justice's IG report on the Hillary Clinton investigation totally exonerated Hillary Clinton himself, noting as he so seldom does that there was "NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION" and so forth:

That scores a Factcheck "Go Fuck Yourself" on the Wonkette truth-o-meter, and you know why? BECAUSE THE IG REPORT WASN'T FUCKING REMOTELY ABOUT THAT. We know, because we read the goddamned thing.

Here is Trump making up some utter bullshit about Vladimir Putin's illegal invasion of Crimea, which Trump thinks was just fine because everybody in Crimea speaks Russian, therefore they must be Russian. (Nobody tell him about the southern part of Texas, OK?) Trump also probably thinks Putin's invasion was OK because Putin has something on him and Trump's allegiance therefore is not to America (ALLEGEDLY WE GUESS).

Watch the president make up a whole new lie, right there on the fly:

President Obama lost Crimea. [...] It's his fault. [...] President Putin didn't respect our country and didn't respect Ukraine. But President Obama, not Trump ... [BLAH BLAH SOMETHING ABOUT RED LINES]

This is, of course, bullshit. For an explanation of what bullshit it is, please refer to remarks delivered by Defense Secretary James Mattis, mere minutes after Trump made up the lie.

Yay, the president is really on a roll with lies, isn't he?

Here he is lying about his administration's policy of ripping babies out of their crying mothers' arms. He says he "hates" it (lie) and that the "Democrats have to change their law" (lie lie lie lie lie) and that it's "their law" (lie lie lie lie LIE LIE LIE LIE FUCKING LIE, BECAUSE IT'S NOT EVEN A FUCKING LAW, IT IS TRUMP ADMINISTRATION POLICY):

What a thoroughly evil piece of shit he is.

Here is the president repeating the lie he's been telling all week, about how hundreds of thousands of 115-year-old mommies and daddies who lost sons in the Korean War are just constantly begging him to bring home their remains. We don't know why, but we find this lie kind of charming, in that "Holy Shit, The Leader Of The Free World Really Is As Fucking Stupid As He Looks" kind of way:

Here is Trump lying and saying Paul Manafort only worked for his campaign for "49 days" (it was 144 days) and that Manafort had basically nothing to do with his campaign, and after a minute of saying word salad about that, Trump lies and says disgraced literal actual foreign agent Michael Flynn maybe DIDN'T lie to the FBI, and besides, it doesn't matter because "Who's lied more than Comey"?

Reminder: Michael Flynn PLEADED GUILTY to lying to the FBI. Trump seemed to know this back in December, but maybe he was just being a huge LIARRFUCKINGLIAR:

Whew! This post has featured a whole lotta Trump lies!

As promised, we will now close out this post with the president accidentally telling the truth, a truth about how he always tells lies, and admitting that he dictated his misshapen son Junior's lie statement about his Russian treason meeting, and that it doesn't matter because it was just a statement to the "phony New York Times," which always writes phony stories, except for they wrote a nice story yesterday:

Hey Robert Mueller, you listening? Haha, of course you are.

OK, this has been a fun post, and also just a really fun week, so GOODBYE NOW!

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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