Trump Loses War On Santa
Ho ho ho, everyone! Merry Trumpmas! While we have been away snuggled up in our footie pajamas, drinking eggnog, and having fun with friends and family, guess what Dear Leader has been up to? If you guessed "moping and making kids sad," give yourself another adult eggnog as a treat, because you have the best thoughts. For his Christmas miracle this year, besides shutting down the government, our great and wonderful president decided he couldn't possibly fuck up at taking a few NORAD calls from kids. Since he's a special type of idiot, he decided it was time to get serious with 7-year-old children about "marginal beliefs" in Santa Claus.
Who besides Trump can answer phone calls ABOUT SANTA and not be able to fucking play along with a few kids for a half an hour or so? Looks like the War on Christmas is coming from INSIDE THE GOP!!! Someone alert Fox News!! (Just kidding, Fox thought it was just swell.)
Watch this idiot try to "keep it real" with a sweet child on Baby Jesus's birthday:
Donald Trump, answering phone call from 7-year-old on Christmas Eve: "Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at seven it's marginal, right?" pic.twitter.com/VHexvFSbQ1
— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) December 25, 2018
Mike Huckabee apparently woke up from a 30-year sabbatical from pop culture in order to reference a movie no one under 40 remembers very clearly. Huckabee seems to have the job of saying really weird shit to distract normal people from how weird Trump is, and shielding Trump from being laughed at. While unnecessarily defending Trump from legitimate accusations that he is indeed an idiot, Huckabee chimed in to let the press know that they are being hysterical. He opens by creepily pointing out that Trump didn't boil the child's pet bunny rabbit in a pot, and closes with asking why are we even criticizing Trump anyway? STOP HATING ON TRUMP!!!!!!!!! I hope he gets paid lots of money for this ... whatever it is he's doing.
Transcript from Mediaite:
"What is wrong with people? It wasn't like he was boiling the little girl's bunny rabbit in a pot on the stove. He asked a simple question. You can never find a way that President Trump will make some of the people in the press happy. It doesn't matter what he does. If he didn't make the call, if he didn't talk to the little girl, they would say he was curled up in a fetal position in the White House and was unwilling to come out and talk to anybody. The man can't catch a break."
Awwwwwwwww! Maybe if Trump wanted breaks or for people to cut him some slack, he should have tried being a decent fucking person at some point in his life. He could have been KIND and avoided treating everybody like filth. He's reaping what he has sown! As a religious man, Huckabee, you should know, "He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully" applies to all aspects of life. He decided to plant shit seeds and now he has a bumper shit crop to harvest.
The child, Collman Lloyd, from Lexington, South Carolina, told the Post and Courier newspaper she was still a believer. She and her two siblings left iced sugar cookies and milk out for Saint Nick overnight and, in the morning, the treats were gone and presents were under the tree.
Luckily for the cute little seven-year-olds who witnessed President Grandpa shoo Santa off his lawn on Christmas Eve, "marginal" isn't one of the vocabulary words they had to learn this year. My 9-year-old child informs me that second graders have it easy, don't do cursive, and won't be learning what marginal means until AT LEAST third grade. Collman Lloyd had no clue what that old man on the phone was EVEN talking about; she still believes in Santa; the cookies were gone in the morning, the gifts were there, and as far as she's concerned, Santa will be back next year. As far as we are concerned, she is right.
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