Trump Meeting With Petraeus For State, Because What F*cking Classified Emails?

This never gets old

Hey, here is some news that will make you feel great:

President-elect Donald Trump on Monday stepped up his search for a new U.S. secretary of state, with the focus on former CIA head David Petraeus, who is a candidate despite admitting he shared classified information with his mistress. [...]

Petraeus has also been mentioned as a possible new secretary of defense. Trump, who takes office on Jan. 20, is also holding talks with Mitt Romney on Tuesday in his second recent meeting with the 2012 Republican presidential nominee.

We're glad to hear he's meeting with Romney for a second time (for obvious reasons, and also because it might make Kellyanne Conway flip her shit again), but oh yeah, let's get some DAVID FUCKIN' PETRAEUS up in here.

And it sounds like Petraeus's meeting with Trump was just great, as he told reporters that Trump "basically walked us around the world, showed a great grasp of a variety of the challenges that are out there." We are sorry, but we are going to have to call LOL BULLSHIT LIES UNPOSSIBLE SHUT UP FOREVER LOLOL on the suggestion that Trump has a "great grasp" on anything besides unsuspecting pussy.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]Let's journey back in time to the pre-11/9 world, when all we heard from Trump was that Crooked Hillary Clinton is the devil, oh what she did with her Private Email Server was so bad, this is worse than Watergate, folks, you'll see. That was the mantra we heard over and over again during the campaign, even though FBI Director James Comey found conclusively that Hillary Clinton had done nothing worthy of prosecution with her email server, and that even though a tiny bit of classified info made its way onto it, she had not knowingly done anything wrong. We also heard from Trump that what Hillary did was WAY worse than what Petraeus did, with his willful mishandling of classified information (showing it to his crazy mistress to get his dick more wet). And after Comey hurled Anthony Weiner's dick into the campaign, along with some new mysterious Hillary emails, ELEVEN DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION, he concluded nine days later that, oopsie, nothing to see here! The damage had been done, of course, which is why we're looking at four years of kleptocracy, at the very least, and maybe even autocracy and the end of the world. Good job, Jim Comey, you protected America THE BESTEST.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]When we did our full examination of why Hillary was not prosecuted, we noted that Hillary had not broken any of the statutes in question. However, one of them, sexxxily known as 18 U.S.C.A. § 1924(a), HAD INDEED been broken by Petraeus. It involves KNOWINGLY removing classified information, and violating it is a misdemeanor. Petraeus pleaded guilty to that, and was convicted of a misdemeanor, because he gave classified information (IN EMAILS) to a lady named Paula Broadwell, who was writing a book about him, and also banging him, like any good biographer does. As Mother Jones points out, it was way worse than what Hillary Clinton did, according to none other than FBI Director James Comey:

During a hearing of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee in July, Comey contrasted Petraeus' case to Clinton's in response to Rep Elijah Cummings' (D-Md.) question: "Do you agree with the claim that General Petraeus, and I quote, 'Got in trouble for far less,' end of quote? Do you agree with that statement?"

"No, it's the reverse," Comey replied.

Oh yeah, and also too, Petraeus absolutely positively did lie to the FBI, whereas Comey said Hillz did not do that.

But who cares about all that shit? Not Donald Trump! Fuck, the man doesn't use email, so we're pretty sure he doesn't even know what the hell an email server actually is, doesn't know what Hillary did or did not do with her email server, and besides, it doesn't matter, because he beat her by Negative Few Million Votes, right? No harm, no foul, thanks for playing, Hillary!

As for David Petraeus, Trump is probably forgiving, because he only did it for the nookie, which, in Donald Trump's Land Of Boners, is totally normal and just the way things are done.

The New Yorker points out, of course, that Trump's buddy boy pick for national security adviser, fired former Lt. General Michael Flynn, had his own problems with being leaky-leaky around classified information when he served during the Obama administration:

He had technicians secretly install an Internet connection in his Pentagon office, even though it was forbidden. There was also the time he gave classified information to NATO allies without approval, an incident which prompted an investigation, and a warning from superiors.

BIG FUCKIN' DEAL, BRO. It's not like Flynn personally offended Trump, by running for president against him.

We do hope Democrats and whatever America-loving Republicans we have left are fired up and ready to start some investigations into all these cum-whistles THE DAY Trump is inaugurated.

[Reuters / Mother Jones / The New Yorker]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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