Sorry About Your Trump Slob Picnic, Minneapolis
Donald Trump held another damn campaign rally, this time in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It's notable for being the first Trump Slob Picnic to take place after the House formally started impeachment, and Trump was in full victim mode, ranting about the insane double standard where Democrats want crossing the border without documents to be decriminalized, but also want to criminalize a president just doing his job and having a perfect, casual, beautiful conversation extorting a foreign leader to get dirt on a political opponent. How does that make any sense? Along the way, Trump trashed Minnesota's Somali refugee population, repeated rightwing conspiracy bullshit about Rep. Ilhan Omar -- the rally was held in her district -- and explained that the only reason anyone thinks Joe Biden was a good vice president is that Biden was a boot-licking flunky:
Biden "was never considered smart," Trump said. "He was never considered a good senator. He was only a good vice president because he figured out how to kiss Barack Obama's ass."
How true this is. The real measure of a good vice president is how profusely he praises Donald Trump during Cabinet meetings for having been sent by God to save America.
Cabinet Members Gush Over Trump During Meeting youtu.be
It's like our beloved Meemaw always said. If you want to excel at the vice presidency, be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.
In one of several fuckbonkers parts of the speech -- at 1 hour, 40 minutes, Trump's longest rally rant yet if anyone's counting and Daniel Dale is -- Trump offered this soft-focus porn fantasy about the orgiastic canoodling of enemies of America Peter Strzok and Lisa Page:
At Minnesota #MAGA rally Trump acts out conversation between Peter Strzok & Lisa Page: "I'm telling you, Peter, s… https://t.co/giYMh5Roq9— Howard Mortman (@Howard Mortman) 1570798418.0
Somewhere in America, Chris Cillizza no doubt proclaimed the Great Man had finally become president again.
Was there refugee baiting? You bet there was!
We have entered the Stephen Miller portion of Trump's speech https://t.co/qonuOu7DLz— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1570759412.0
We like the part in the second clip there where he warns that America would be flooded with dirty awful criminal immigrants "if Democrats were ever to seize power," which pretty much sums up everything you need to know about what Donald Trump thinks of elections.
Also, the guy who said Adam Schiff did TREASON PARAPHRASES when he made fun of Trump's call to the president of Ukraine explained once again how that was probably criminal, and then Trump immediately turned around and made up even bigger TREASON PARAPHRASES about Nancy Pelosi.
Trump is out here completely making stuff up about Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi. https://t.co/ZcxejhfED8— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1570756172.0
[Schiff] hadda make up a fake conversation that never happened, and he delivered it to the United States Congress and the American people! [boos] It was a total fraud, and then Nancy Pelosi said, "I think the president said that." These people are sick!
Fact check: Nancy Pelosi did not say that. Trump went on to insist that if only Pelosi had waited for the notes on the call to be released, she never would have called for impeachment, because we all know the call notes show he's a perfectly innocent guy just being innocent.
According to Trump, here's what really happened: You see, the Dems "never thought in a million years I was going to release a transcript of the call," so they felt free to lie about it! Pelosi called for impeachment based on mere rumor and speculation about the content of the call, because "Shifty Schiff" told her that. (Where does he come up with those brilliant nicknames?)
Ah, but then, when Pelosi saw the actual "transcript," she was amazed and ashamed of herself!
Speech: Donald Trump Holds a Political Rally in Minneapolis, Minnesota - October 10, 2019 www.youtube.com
And then she saw the call and said to her people, "What the hell? Nobody ever told me this was the call." But she keeps going anyway because the press is fake, and they play right into their hands.
So you see, Nancy Pelosi secretly believes the call notes exonerate Trump, but now she's stuck running an impeachment, and that's definitely a lot of true things she said.
Now, since Trump is making all of that up, we guess Trump just did TREASON, didn't he? Add another count to the impeachment, Nan!
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.