Donate

Donald Trump went to [FILL IN THE BLANK] Thursday night for a campaign rally for [PERSON WHOSE NAME WE ALREADY FORGOT BECAUSE ALL TRUMP DOES IS TALK ABOUT HIMSELF]. While there, he said [ANY ASSORTMENT OF DEMENTIA WHITE SUPREMACIST WORDS] and now all the Very Serious Journalists are like [OMG].

So, this time it was Montana.


Trump made the most news when he said he would challenge Elizabeth Warren to take a DNA test to prove she is the real Pocahontas, and that he would give a million dollars to her favorite charity if she is. This is funny because LOL that check would never get mailed. Also it's racist, but that's what happens when the president is a white nationalist.

But then he said the weirdest thing about administering the test to Warren:

We're in the "Me Too" generation, so we have to be very gentle!

And then he did this weird motion with hands, like he was administering it. Maybe in his mind you really have to grab those genes by the pussy. Or as Chrissy Teigen put it:

LI'L BIT.

Trump went after journalists again, because he's totally gotten over his crocodile tears over the journalists murdered in Annapolis one week before, and can get right back to telling his stories about how the fake news are terrible people, and when they say they have 15 anonymous sources, it is because they made them up. We'd transcribe it, but it's the same lie he always tells. We could point out that it sure is funny for the president to declare anonymous sources fake, considering how for most of his life, HE'S BEEN ONE. (You know, like when he planted stories about himself in the news, posing as Trump spokesman "John Barron." We're also fairly certain he acts as an anonymous source for White House reporters, but you'd have to trick Maggie Haberman into spilling the beans on that one.)

Trump had many LOLs about George H.W. Bush, whose wife just died, and Bush's famous "thousand points of light" speech. "What the hell was that," asked Trump, because he is a moron. It is about volunteering and organizations that give back to their communities, things Trump might know about if he hadn't lived every single one of his sad years on earth with his head firmly planted up his rancid selfish ass.

(To be fair to Trump, he didn't mention Bush's name, because his brain is past by its sell-by date and he didn't actually remember who said the very confusing thing about thousands of points of light.)

But our favorite part, because we are Russia-obsessed like a common Rachel Maddow, and because those Republican senators just spent their 4th of July eating blueberry and strawberry American flag cakes off a buncha Russian politicians' nipples, and because Trump is fixin' to head to Helsinki for a little alone time with his handler Vladimir Putin, was this:


75% of [journalists] are downright dishonest. ... They're fake! And I might even end up having a good relationship [with Putin] but they're going, "Will President Trump be prepared?" you know, "President Putin is KGB!" and this and that! You know what? Putin's fine, he's fine! We're all people!

PUTIN IS PEOPLE! HE IS FINE! EVERYBODY IS PEOPLE! (Offer may not apply to non-white people who don't have pee tapes of Trump getting his jollies with his willy out in Moscow, ALLEGEDLY. Also, Putin is fucking KGB.)

So there you have it. Highlights from yet another night with Captain Dipshit. We hope this has been as edifying for you to read as it absolutely was not for us to write.

Once Trump was back on Air Force One, he sent this tweet. See if you can decipher it, because we've got nothin':

Wait ... MS-13 is going to ... take our jobs? But do they even know how to make Sarah Palin jokes?

Oh fuck it, it's not supposed to make sense, his brain is broken, and this post is over.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! You are very pretty today.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC
Yeah, that's definitely a repurposed animatronic Hillary (YouTube)

A whole bunch of protests were held today against the fake "president's" fake "emergency" declaration, with people turning out in cold crappy weather to call attention to the general nastiness of the guy who claims he absolutely had to do that declaration that wasn't necessary. Organizers with MoveOn.org said over 250 rallies were planned nationwide. So far, the national State Of Emergency doesn't appear to have caused any of the rallies to be cancelled, despite the very real possibility that terrified Honduran refugees fleeing violence in Central America might suddenly show up and ask for asylum.

Are there still actions taking place in your area? Check at MoveOn!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

WHAT. IS. PAUL. MANAFORT. HIDING?

Before Manafort pleaded guilty and signed up as a cooperating witness who didn't actually cooperate, we wrote this:

We have always kind of figured that Paul Manafort is the one who knows the whole Trump-Russia conspiracy story. He was the first big fish indicted, and they hit him for A LOT. Also note that just about all the other prosecutions that have come from the Mueller investigation so far have been farmed out by Mueller to different jurisdictions. Manafort, on the other hand, Mueller has kept squarely in his office. There has to be a reason for that.

Perhaps it's because, as this Josh Marshall podcast suggests, Paul Manafort, a foreign agent who worked for Oleg Deripaska, AKA Putin's favorite oligarch, and who got sideways financially with Deripaska, was literally sent into the Trump campaign by the Kremlin to do its dirty work. Perhaps the Steele Dossier is right when it suggests that the entire Trump-Russia election-stealing conspiracy was run by Manafort on the Trump side, and that others like (perhaps!) Michael Cohen only had to take over when Manafort's shit started to stink and the news media started reporting on his weird-ass Russian connections in the summer of 2016.

If it's possible, we are beginning to suspect it may be even worse than that.

On Friday, special counsel Robert Mueller issued his sentencing recommendations for Manafort, after DC district court Judge Amy Berman Jackson ruled conclusively that the shady motherfucker very intentionally lied and blew up his cooperating agreement. Because Manafort defaulted, Mueller is no longer bound to recommend that Manafort's sentence be reduced, and is free to throw the book right at Manafort's face. HARD.

And that is what Mueller did! To be clear, the sentencing memo is harsh.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc