Trump Nazi Sebastian Gorka Declares That 2016 Election Proved Existence Of God
I am an atheist. Being an atheist is a very convenient thing to be these days, because if I believed in God I would probably be pretty annoyed and offended by all of the horrible things people attribute to her all of the time.
At CPAC this morning, former Presidential advisor and actual Nazi Sebastian Gorka explained that Trump being elected is LITERAL PROOF that god exists. Oh my, won't all the atheist professors be sad!
“If you ever had a doubt that God exists, guess what?” Gorka said, “November the 8th all the proof you need. Why? Because [Clinton] had it all, she had the media, she spent $1.4 billion on a seat, on a position, she thought was owed to her because of her gender and her last name, but she lost!”
Gorka said that Trump “brought us back from the brink. We didn’t have two wheels over the edge of the cliff, we had three wheels over the edge of the cliff. If she had won, that was it—from the Supreme Court on down, that was it. We would have lost our republic.”
Haha! Silly entitled women thinking they are "owed" a presidency. If they were supposed to be President, why would God have made all 44 previous Presidents men, huh? God only lets other countries have female leaders because he doesn't like them as much! England can have all the LADY Prime Ministers it wants -- but not his precious America!
God also lets other countries have gun control, because only America should be "blessed" with mass shootings. And he lets those other countries have health care, because Americans deserve the privilege of dying of treatable illnesses. God wants nothing but the best for his baby!
That is definitely what happened here!
Gorka is not the only one who expressed belief in Trump's divinity this week. Self-proclaimed "prophet" Kat Kerr said that God -- who previously told her that Trump would be president, also told her the winners of the next FIVE presidential elections: Trump, Mike Pence, Mike Pence, whoever Mike Pence picks as his vice president.
Woah if true. Also, if true, I am not only glad to be an atheist, but also a dual citizen. Italy, here I come!
“He caught me up to heaven, literally, months and months and months before,” Kerr continued, “and He said, ‘I’ve chosen Trump and people won’t like it and they won’t understand it but that doesn’t matter right now because I’m going to change America and I need him. He’s an all-American boy that is all for America, and he is smart, he can’t be bought, he can’t be moved, and he cannot be controlled.’ And He said, ‘He will know me and he will hear my voice.'”
“You better step back, because this is God’s time,” Kerr warned those who oppose Trump, adding that God told her that not only will Trump win reelection in 2020, but that Vice President Mike Pence will then be elected to two terms as president, as will whomever Pence chooses as his vice president.
AN ALL-AMERICAN BOY.
God, apparently, is very fond of twice-divorced, pussy-grabbing billionaires who lie a whole lot, throw Twitter tantrums and are disliked by most people. He also sometimes just pulls random pink-haired ladies up to heaven to tell them about his plans for US politics.
Quite frankly, I think we need some of the religious people on the Left to start doing this. Why don't you guys ever have any good prophecies, or get lifted up to heaven so you can report back that no, God doesn't actually want all the poor people to starve to death? Get on it!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse