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Know that thing Donald Trump does when he just learned something brand new, so he explains it to you like he's some fucking Sky King imparting information only he is qualified and smart enough to share? For instance, facts like "Abraham Lincoln was a Republican"? Well, he's done it again, folks!

Far be it from you asshole liberals to say Donald Trump is ignoring the devastation in Puerto Rico, because aside from how he yelled at Puerto Rico for being such a loser when it got hurricaned, Trump took TWO BREAKS from holler-bitching about NFL foooooobawwwww players being irredeemably black on Tuesday, so he could drop some #wisdom about the Puerto Rico situation.

Let's take a look at the brand new things Trump learned about Puerto Rico today:

It's an island!

YASSSSSSS QUEEN.

In Texas, we can ship the trucks right out there ... but the difference is this is an island.

100% correct, sir!

Sitting in the middle of an ocean!

Fuckin' #KnowledgeBowl kids ain't got nothin' on old Bozo the President here!

And it's a big ocean! It's a very big ocean!

Show us how you do "big ocean" with your hands, Trump!

Which ocean is it???? Bad news, because that was not part of the briefing Trump got before this particular on-camera moment.

He did have some other things to share, though, about how the wind cried Maria VERY BIGLY in Puerto Rico:

Even Texas didn't have 200 mph winds, right?

Correct.

It was like having hundreds of tornadoes! The winds!

THE WINDS! IN THE HURRICANE!

How big was the hurricane, Donald?

It touched down ...

LIKE A TORNADO?

... as a Category 5.

No it didn't, but it's OK, that's only ONE CATEGORY away from what Hurricane Maria was when it "touched down" in Puerto Rico like a tornado but different.

Later in the day, Trump did a press conference with Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy of Spain, whom he kept referring to as the "president" of Spain, because fucking come on, he is learning about oceans and hurricanes and Puerto Rico today, we can't burden him with learning the proper title of the world leader he's meeting with right now, OK?

He showed off some new snazzy storm knowledge he found out during lunch, though:

This is a thing called the Atlantic Ocean!

THE FUCK YOU SAY, MR. WIZARD?

It's out in the ocean. it's out in the ocean. You can't just drive your trucks out there.

Pity Donald Trump doesn't have any sort of fleet of boats at his command ...

Finally, the president shared some science about the tides in the ocean, and how they interact with the moon:

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Sun get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How da Moon get dere?

How dit get dere?

LOL JUST FOOLING, THAT WAS NOT DONALD TRUMP, THAT WAS BILL O'REILLY.

Anyway, please quiz each other on the brand new information the president just learned today about how you cannot drive your truck to Hurricane Sharknado in Puerto Rico because there is a thing called "ocean" and it is the YOOGEST, in this, your open thread.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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