During mating season, the male tortoise may exhibit a number of threat displays

Longtime GOP dirty trickster Roger Stone (who really does have a tattoo of Nixon on his back) may have quit or been fired from the Donald Trump campaign last summer, but he's still serving the Great Man on an informal basis. Tuesday, in what looks like an attempt to prove he's every bit a major-league ratfucker as G. Gordon Liddy or Karl Rove, Stone took to the "Freedomain Radio" podcast to give host Stefan Molyneux a preview of the Night of the Short-Fingered Vulgarians awaiting this summer's Republican convention in Cleveland if delegates fail to give Donald Trump the nomination he has already earned by being The Best:

We like the part where Stone, a veteran of many, many campaigns, pretends to be surprised that the allocation of delegates is determined by the party, not by state or federal law. He knows better, but that's no reason not to be outraged if you don't get your way. He puts Trump supporters on notice that the nefarious leadership of the GOP will resort to all sorts of dirty tricks, and nobody knows dirty tricks like Roger Stone. Trust no one, he warns, not even delegates who say they're for Trump:

Either Trump will have 1,237 votes in which case the party will try to throw out some of those delegates in a naked attempt to try to steal this from Donald Trump, or he will be just short of 1,237, in which case many of his own delegates, or, I should say people in his delegate seats will abandon him on the second ballot.

Which is how a contested convention works, but let's say those delegates actually do change their minds. What then? Stone explains exactly what convention delegates can expect if party leadership stabs Trump in the back:

So the fix is in. If Trump does not run the table on the rest of the primaries and the caucuses, we're looking at a very, very narrow path in which the kingmakers go all out to cheat, to steal, and to snatch this nomination from the candidate who is overwhelmingly selected by the voters, which is why I have urged Trump supporters: come to Cleveland. March on Cleveland. Join us in the Forest City.

We're going to have protests, demonstrations. We will disclose the hotels and the room numbers of those delegates who are directly involved in the steal. If you're from Pennsylvania, we'll tell you who the culprits are. We urge you to visit their hotel and find them. You have a right to discuss this if you voted in the Pennsylvania primary, for example, and your votes are being disallowed.

[wonkbar]a href=""[/wonkbar]Mind you, when Trump goons find out where a turncoat delegate is staying, Stone says they should "discuss" the matter with the delegate. It would take an enormous, utterly impossible leap of the imagination to suggest that some Trumptroopers might go beyond civil dialogue and start beating on delegates, no no no no, that's mere paranoid talk. It's not like Trump supporters have a proclivity for violence, which is only a myth perpetuated by the liberal media. Just don't provoke them by doing something stupid like letting anyone but Trump have the nomination, OK?

Should Stone's delegate intimidation outreach effort prove insufficient to guarantee Trump triumphs at a contested convention, there are always other options. Like maybe setting the Cuyahoga River on fire.

[Media Matters / TPM / Politico]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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