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A face Daddy has to protect.


There's BREAKING NEWS in the Trump-Russia conspiracy scandal! When news broke a few weeks ago of Donald Trump Jr. taking a fun Russian meeting with a bathtub full of Russians, Junior's first lie, released in an official statement, was that it was just a meeting about letting Americans adopt BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES and nothing more, end of story. But in the days that came after, a new picture emerged, of Donald Trump's Russian pals approaching Junior with promises of sexxxxy dirt on Hillary Clinton. The New York Times reported that week that Trump advisers worked on Junior's initial statement on the way back from the G20, and that the only statement Daddy Trump would sign off on was the milquetoast lie about adoptions. Of course, as we all remember, all the stories fell apart when Junior tweeted out the email chain that led to the meeting.

It turns out, according to a Washington Post report that dropped Monday night, that Daddy Trump was more deeply involved in Air Force One scheming about Junior's Russian statement than we knew, to the point that he actually DICTATED THE WORDS OF IT:

Flying home from Germany on July 8 aboard Air Force One, Trump personally dictated a statement in which Trump Jr. said that he and the Russian lawyer had “primarily discussed a program about the adoption of Russian children” when they met in June 2016, according to multiple people with knowledge of the deliberations. The statement, issued to the New York Times as it prepared an article, emphasized that the subject of the meeting was “not a campaign issue at the time.” [...]

The extent of the president’s personal intervention in his son’s response, the details of which have not previously been reported, adds to a series of actions that Trump has taken that some advisers fear could place him and some members of his inner circle in legal jeopardy.

COULD IT? COULD IT PLACE HIM IN SOME LEGAL JEOPARDY? Possibly, if you think that is some obstruction of fucking justice right there, maaaybe?

And who wrote down the statement Trump dictated for his good and not at all stupid son? That would be adviser Hope Hicks, who, as the WaPo reports, "served as a go-between with Trump Jr., who was not on the plane, sharing edits between the two men, according to people with knowledge of the discussions." So Hope Hicks is obviously on Facebook right now, posting vague statuses like, "Anybody know any good lawyers? ASKING FOR A FRIEND LOL JUST KIDDING ASKING FOR ME."

The WaPo further quotes a Trump adviser (LEAKER!) who says, "This was ... unnecessary. Now someone can claim he’s the one who attempted to mislead. Somebody can argue the president is saying he doesn’t want you to say the whole truth.” Imagine that! That adviser added that Trump "refuses to sit still," and that since he's under the (likely mistaken) impression that "he's not in any legal jeopardy," he is bound and determined to fix this Russia problem ALL BY HISSELF, you know, because he's so good at things.

Trump's ding dong lawyer Jay Sekulow says this story is FAKE NEWS, for what that's worth. (It's probably not worth much.)

And Jared and Ivanka, or "sources close to them" or something, say THEY wanted to tell the whole truth right away because they are perfect and never ever ever do anything wrong.

When Daddy Trump did his COMPLETELY BATSHIT INTERVIEW with the Times, he said he talked about BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES with Vladimir Putin during the after-dinner G20 meeting he failed to report to the press. Therefore, we had kinda assumed that was figuring in the president's imagination as he jetted back to America with his advisers, who were busy working on a bullshit statement for Junior.

And indeed, several of the Russians Junior met with, including lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya, are anti-Magnitsky Act crusaders, and one thing all those knuckleheads have in common is that they come promising BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES, in exchange for lifting sanctions on Russia. So it remains highly plausible that the adoption thing was part of Junior's meeting. And it's highly plausible that Trump and Putin actually did talk about adoptions, by which we mean Putin probably reminded Trump that part of their agreement is that he lift the Russian sanctions, not that Putin owns Donald Trump or anything. OR DOES HE?

(By the way, that Russian sanctions bill Congress passed has been sitting on Trump's desk without his signature for quite a few days! Wonder why.)

So did Donald Trump obstruct all the justice and should he go to jail right now? Our Magic 8-Ball says, "ABOUT FUCKIN' TIME," but it is not a lawyer.

This guy was George W. Bush's ethics lawyer though:

You heard the man, Donald! Please collect your things and go, for you are a failure and also you are very stinky and we hate you, the end.

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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