Trump Picks New Chief Of Staff To Fire In A Few Months When He Gets Cranky

Fired guy, hired guy.

GOODBYE REINCE PRIEBUS! Incoming White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci called you a "paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac" and accused you of leaking secret, code word level public financial dlsclosures about how he stands to keep making money dollars from his investment firm while he serves as Fluffer-In-Chief to the president. You tried so hard to keep Scaramucci from getting a job in the White House, because you two fucking HATE each other, but you failed, and now you are on Monster Dot Com to see if there are any Hawt Jobs out there for a lonely, unemployed former Trump White House employee like yourself.

We guess Scaramucci meant it when he said you two were brothers like Cain and Abel. Now we know which one of you is Abel!

Besides, Trump has a lady boner for a military man:

Yes, John Kelly! The current secretary of Homeland Security! A guy who has no experience in politics whatsoever, not that that's necessary in a White House chief of staff position.

To Kelly's credit, he is one of the few sane(r) people in the Trump administration. He's a retired Marine general! That means he is STRONG AND TUFF, unlike Rinse Pubis or whatever his name was. We're quite frankly surprised Kelly was willing to take a job where he has to breathe in Trump's filthy burnt steak-smelling aura more often, but whatever. Maybe he thinks he's doing a mitzvah for the nation by accepting this job and thus keeping a close eye on Pussgrab McOrange.

Of course, he's not great, because despite what Trump thinks, he doesn't actually hire the best people, because the actual best people turn their nose down at Trump. Kelly has carried water for the Trump Muslim Ban and Trump's godawful immigration/deportation policies, for instance.

But maybe having a big strong general just outside the Oval will settle President Fuckhead down a li'l bit.

It's unclear how much power Kelly will actually have, since Trump has no concept of how to staff a West Wing and Scaramucci waltzed in saying he reports directly to the president (and probably very much enjoys having private time with him, due to how he loves the president, he loves him, shhhhh, when the president whispers, when the president's tiny hands touch him just right ... ALLEGEDLY!), even though the comms director is SUPPOSED to report to the chief of staff. Will Scaramucci take orders from the general, or will he just slink in and out of the Oval Office quietly and sexxxily, evading Kelly's prying eyes?

We don't know, it's fucking Friday and goddamn Trump for making personnel decisions that will likely last six months, MAX, at the beginning of our fucking weekend.

Reince Priebus is free to start spilling dirty Russia secrets about Trump as soon his his heart desires, of course.


(By the way, this is not your open thread. The other one is still your open thread.)

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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