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UH OH, looks like Michael Cohen's definitely not willing to take a bullet for Donald Trump in the middle of 5th Avenue any time soon! And it sounds like even before the election he was hedging his bets, because Cohen, who was well-known for taping conversations with Trump's enemies, also apparently liked to tape his conversations with Trump! And the FBI has at least one of them!


We know Trump has been wanting the lamestream media to change the subject from his open treason with Russia, so let's talk about Trump's dick some more, and how it talked to Michael Cohen about paying off Playboy playmate Karen McDougal TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE ELECTION. And Michael Cohen taped it! Let's skip right to Rudy Giuliani's explanation for why this is all fine, totally fine:

Rudolph W. Giuliani, Mr. Trump's personal lawyer, confirmed in a telephone conversation on Friday that Mr. Trump had discussed the payments with Mr. Cohen on the tape but said the payment was ultimately never made. He said the recording was less than two minutes and demonstrated that the president had done nothing wrong.

"Nothing in that conversation suggests that he had any knowledge of it in advance," Mr. Giuliani said, adding that Mr. Trump had directed Mr. Cohen that if he were to make a payment related to the woman, write a check, rather than sending cash, so it could be properly documented.

"In the big scheme of things, it's powerful exculpatory evidence," Mr. Giuliani.

Well, if a very good lawyer like Rudy Giuliani says that, it's probably all fine! Trump told Cohen that if he were to do a pay-off, use a check so there's a paper trail, and write down in the ledger "paid lady to be quiet about Trump's peener" and make extra certain this money has nothing to do with the campaign, because Donald Trump and Michael Cohen are LAW-ABIDING PAYER-OFFERS OF WOMEN!

Except! Well, a few things! First of all, the Washington Post has more details about what exactly is happening in this recording. The conversation between Cohen and Trump happened in September of 2016. AMI, the parent company of the National Enquirer that's owned by Trump's longtime buddy David Pecker, paid McDougal $150,000 for her story in August 2016, and then never ran it, in a practice known as "catch and kill," so it wouldn't come out before the election. (And when it did anyway, in the Wall Street Journal, one Trump spokeswoman named Hope Hicks totally denied it, calling the affair with McDougal "totally untrue.")

So if it is true that Trump had NOT THE FOGGIEST IDEA about AMI's deal with Karen McDougal, Rudy Giuliani might not actually be smoking crack when he says this is exculpatory. However, if the FBI has evidence that Cohen coordinated with AMI to front the money for the deal, then tried to buy the story back -- as we are just guessing -- then we are still in OH HEY, CAMPAIGN FINANCE VIOLATION territory. And hell, even if Trump and Cohen didn't know about it, AMI's hush money deal with McDougal would still be considered an illegal campaign donation. So!

(Hit this link for a full explainer of the ins and outs of the Trump-Karen McDougal story, because we don't feel like getting into those weeds right now, and also we just almost made ourself throw up when we typed "ins and outs" in the same sentence as "Trump," because ew gross Trump penis.)

Also, do you see how Rudy Giuliani flapped his ugly fucking yap about this to the New York Times? If Trump had wanted to say this conversation with Cohen was privileged, it sure as hell ain't no more! Which is hilarious, because who has been bitching and moaning the loudest about how attorney-client privilege is dead, besides Donald Trump? Rudy Giuliani.

So, this tape exists. The question is what OTHER tapes did Michael Cohen make, that the FBI has? Anything with NO COLLUSION, NO COLLUSION, YOU ARE THE COLLUSION? Well, it sure sounds like there's a lot of stuff involving collusion between McDougal's skeevy former lawyer Keith Davidson and Michael Cohen! (Remember, Davidson also originally represented Stormy Daniels, and also Shera Bechard, the Playboy model who got pregnant by some guy named "Not Trump" -- haha, OK -- and subsequently had an abortion.)

As for collusion with Russians? Spoiler: The answer is fucking likely.

We will leave you with these two tweets, which are very enjoyable:

LORDY, THERE ARE SO MANY TAPES.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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