Trump Pocketed Classified Docs, Insists The People WILL NOT Stand For Reporters Revealing That

trump prepared

Last week the National Archives (NARA) confirmed there was classified national security information in the boxes of documents wrongfully retained by former president Donald Trump after leaving office. Apparently, there was more in those 15 boxes of documents than chunks of his Fuck You Mexico Wall and his My Favorite Dictators scrapbook.

In response to a query by House Oversight Committee Chair Carolyn Maloney, National Archivist David Ferriero sent a letter Friday night explaining how his agency has tried to process the record — not to say evidence — of the Trump presidency.

"NARA had ongoing communications with the representatives of former President Trump throughout 2021, which resulted in the transfer of 15 boxes to NARA in January 2022," he wrote. But honestly, that Ongoing Communications Which Resulted In the Transfer of 15 Boxes T-shirt is raising more questions than it answers. Most notably, why did it take an entire year for Trump to cough up the documents and mementos he pocketed on the way out the door, and why didn't he already get LOCK HER UPPED in email jail for what we have all been told many times in the past is a heinous crime?

"NARA has identified items marked as classified national security information within the boxes," Ferriero wrote, adding later that "Because NARA identified classified information in the boxes, NARA staff has been in communication with the Department of Justice." So, fingers crossed, kids, maybe Attorney General Merrick Garland can persuade James Comey to come out of retirement and fuck everything up again in 2024!

Ferriero also notes that his agency has "identified certain social media records that were not captured and preserved by the Trump Administration" and "learned that some White House staff conducted official business using non-official electronic messaging accounts that were not copied or forwarded into their official electronic messaging accounts."

The New York Times, which broke the news of the letter, said the only social media accounts the Trump White House preserved were Trump's Twitter. Therefore the extensive business conducted by his staff via WhatsApp, Signal, and private email accounts may never be recovered. The Times reached out to the Republican National Committee to see if it had revised its stance on the evils of improperly handling classified documents, but maybe they were too busy kicking the shit out of fellow Republicans to respond.

Donald Trump is never too busy to run his mouth, though. Two weeks ago, he pushed back against "Fake News" reports that that Archives had raided Mar-a-Lago, insisting, "It was a great honor to work with NARA to help formally preserve the Trump Legacy,” and promising that "Some of this information will someday be displayed in the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library for the public to view my Administration’s incredible accomplishments for the American People."

Now he's singing a different tune, albeit one that makes no mention of the classified docs he pocketed and stored under God only knows what conditions.

"The National Archives did not 'find' anything, they were given, upon request, Presidential Records in an ordinary and routine process to ensure the preservation of my legacy and in accordance with the Presidential Records Act," he squawked. "If this was anyone but 'Trump,' there would be no story here."

Is it "ordinary and routine process" for American presidents to pocket documents and mementos and force the National Archives to come looking for them a year later? Or is that actually a violation of the Presidential Records Act, not to mention laws regulating the storage of classified information?

"The Fake News is making it seem like me, as the President of the United States, was working in a filing room," he screeched, before launching into a nonsensical recitation of his supposed accomplishments and lies about Joe Biden's government.

"Instead of focusing on America, the media just wants to talk about their plan to 'get' Trump. The people won’t stand for it any longer!" he concluded, without quite explaining what he expects "the people" to do about him getting caught purloining government property. Good thing he'd never summon a mob of crazed lunatics hopped up on internet conspiracies to mount a coup.

Oh, right.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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