Trump Pretty Sure Josh Mandel Too Unf*ckable For Endorsement

When sentient slime trail Marjorie Taylor Greene, who is somehow a member of Congress, endorsed Senate candidate, author, and asshole JD Vance, we wondered why she’d stiffed Josh Mandel, a seemingly more authentic MAGA zealot.

Greene speaks regularly with Donald Trump, who also hasn’t endorsed Mandel. This is reportedly because Trump considers Mandel a “charisma-free weirdo and dork.” This is consistent with Trump’s rigorous vetting process.

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According to the Daily Beast, Republicans opposed to Mandel’s candidacy have filled the mad MAGA king’s head with twisted rumors about Mandel, which Trump has repeated to others “often in disgust.”

In recent months, these sources said, the onetime leader of the free world has even spent an inordinate amount of time gossiping with a large array of advisers and close associates about unconfirmed details of Mandel’s sex life.

That’s right. We’re going to talk about Josh Mandel’s sex life. Or at least whatever Donald Trump thinks he knows about it.

You’ve been warned.

Former President Oompa Loompa thinks Mandel doesn't have the right “visuals” or “look,” and would come across poorly on TV. After meeting Mandel and speaking with him, we guess Trump felt his personality was a less charming dumpster fire.

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A source told the Daily Beast that Trump "has used the term ‘fucking weird’ to describe Josh Mandel more than once." That source added, "He has talked about [Mandel] and sex in the same sentence more times than I would have liked to hear.”

Seems like Trump is the fucking weirdo because he can’t keep his mind out of Mandel’s pants. No details were given about what Trump finds so creepy about Mandel’s alleged sex life, so you don’t have to gouge out your eyes.

Stephanie Grisham, who used to work more or less for both Donald and Melania Trump, confirms that Trump is a big dumb gossip who’s “hungry” for "very personal details of people’s lives.” Trump’s brain obviously tracks more with the National Enquirer than with the Hill, so anyone anxious to lower Mandel in Trump’s esteem would find focusing on policy differences less effective than implying that Mandel fucks weird.

Mandel and his wife Ilana separated in 2020, presumably amicably, but they asked a judge to keep the details of their divorce secret. There’s nothing necessarily suspicious about this, and Ilana Mandel is supportive of his candidacy.

“I look forward to doing whatever I can to help elect Josh to the U.S. Senate,” Ilana Mandel said in a statement provided by the campaign. “He and I remain close friends and committed parents to our three children. A few years ago, Josh sacrificed a career opportunity when our family needed him to be home with us full time. I’m happy that he once again has a chance to serve and I fully support him.”

There’s annoyingly little current polling for the Ohio Senate seat that Republican Rob Portman is vacating. In December, Trafalgar had Mandel leading the pack of willing Trumpists. JD Vance likely hopes he can earn Trump’s official nod. Mandel has the backing of conservative radio host Mark Levin, which is a little pathetic.

GOP Conference Chair Elise Stefanik endorsed Jane Timken last month, and shamelessly tried to tie her to Trump’s “America first” movement. Timken was Ohio GOP chair from 2017 to 2021. She’s also terrible, but probably sucks slightly less than Mandel and Vance.

Let’s hope no one starts rumors about Timken at the Mar-a-Lago gossip palace.

[The Daily Beast]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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