Trump Prophet Worships Macho Jesus Who Would Kill You As Soon Look At You
This weekend, Jeff Jansen, one of the many "Trump Prophets" who believes Donald Trump will become president again at any moment, went on a rant at a Christian conference at Ignite Faith Church in Redmond, Oregon, all about how Christianity needs to be more manly.
Of course, "manly" means different things to different people. To Jansen, manliness is best represented by the ushers at his church who are armed and ready to kill, and also by Jesus, being so mad about people selling stuff at his temple that he went home, braided a whip and went back and whipped all of the people to teach them a lesson ... man-style.
"The church, we are so neutered," Jansen griped. "We are. We are so neutered. We are so effeminate."
"Jesus wasn't a wimp," Jansen continued. "He was a tough guy. He was a man. OK? He was a man. When they were selling in his Father's house, he went and he braided a whip. Now, that takes time. He's braiding a whip, and he's like, 'I'm coming for you, coming for you.' … He was very deliberate, and he was mad. He's a man. He whipped them. Sorry. Just whipped them. 'Oh, Jesus wouldn't do that.' The heck he wouldn't."
So Jesus was both crafty and a violent psychopath. I guess you learn something new every day! Although it is unclear what is supposed to be super manly about throwing a tantrum or running around whipping people in a non-sexual context when he probably could have just asked the people to leave. Did he even try that first, or did he just see some people selling some things, leave, fashion a whip from scratch, come back and just start attacking people? Because honestly I am going to say that's a bit of an overreaction if so.
"He was a man," he added. "But the church—the ekklesia, the government of God—has been so neutered and so turned effeminate, almost homosexual. I'm just telling you straight up. It's just ridiculous. Where are the men? Where's the maleness? Where is the 'I will defend the children, I will protect the family'? My ushers at my church, they all pack. I mean, they all pack. You come to my place, and you think about starting something, you're dead. They'll kill you. They'll shoot you because they're gonna protect everybody else. You try to pull something, you're dead. I said, 'Listen, guys, if I'm up there preaching and somebody comes up running, make sure you get them. Just kill 'em. Just shoot 'em dead.'"
This seems like a thing that could end very poorly. What if someone just really had to go to the bathroom and the ushers got confused and then just murdered them? Would Jansen explain to the cops, "Oh, the usher was just so incredibly manly that he figured he'd better shoot first and ask questions later, like Jesus would have?"
If Jansen is concerned the church isn't sexist or homophobic enough for his taste, I don't really know what to tell him. Most of them seem to do a pretty good job of that to me. It also seems that if God were so super into the trappings of toxic masculinity, that he would not be showering Jeff Jansen in giant 50 carat rubies to fashion into glamorous rings — something that, according to Jansen, he does all of the time.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse