OK, WHERE WERE WE? Oh yes, we remember!

When we last left this story, Donald Trump was blowing gleeful ropes all over the West Wing, just like jizz everywhere, even on the sconces, because he had invited Vladimir Putin to come see him this fall, just in time for the mid-term elections. Vladimir Putin is his FAVORITE, and also his KGB handler. But then OMG SAD, Putin, through all his various spokes-spies, said actually he thinks he is busy rearranging all of his cookbooks this year, like don't get the wrong idea, Donald, just because Putin is the boss of you and has major league kompromat on you doesn't mean he actually wants to hang out with you. Like, maybe they can see each other at the G20 in Argentina? But, like, please don't sit next to Putin, otherwise everybody will think Putin is a loser who hangs out with the deplorable unfuckable nerd kids, OK?

In response to that very heartbreaking rejection, Trump ate 1000 Big Macs and grabbed himself by the pussy and announced on Wednesday that he didn't want Putin to come visit in the fall ANYWAY, because he is also very busy with the Russian Witch Hunt. So maybe Vladimir Putin would like to come visit in the spring, when the Russian Witch Hunt is over? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE?


First of all, if the Russia investigation is over, that means Trump is not president anymore, and why would Putin want to come visit a stupid-looking non-president who probably isn't even a real billionaire? Come ON. Second of all, please refer to First Of All.

Well, there is an update, and it's that Putin says Trump is free to visit him, in Russia. Why the venue change? Is Putin just lazy and doesn't feel like traveling and, being the boss of Trump, knows he can snap his fingers and summon the American president on a moment's notice? Or is he just having an extra sexxxxy soundstage built to film a bigger, longer and more uncut-ter Trump pee tape? We are not 100% certain, but we are going to guess it's just a lot easier to film Russian pee porn in Russia than to have to fly all the pee hookers to America and find them a hotel and everything.

And what is Trump's response? It is WHITE HOUSE SCONCES BE JIZZED ONCE AGAIN! A statement from Sarah Huckabee Sanders says that as soon as they get a "formal" invite, Trump will be legs up, wheels up to Russia whenever Putin wants. How's this afternoon? BYE, MELANIA! BYE, IVANKA! BYE, DISAPPOINTING FIRSTBORN SON!

Everybody on Twitter is making the same joke right now and here it is:

Farewell, Donald! Never come back! We love to see you go but we hate to watch you walk away because your ass is gross-looking! FUCK YOU!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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