Can We Call Trump A Literal Actual Russian Agent Now? What About Now? What About Now? What About ...

Weren't we justtalking about how it's pretty obvious that Donald Trump is a Russian intelligence asset of some sort? Yes, because we've been screaming it since before the 2016 election! And weren't we justwondering who fills Donald Trump's head with all sorts of Russia-centric beliefs about foreign policy, even on things most Americans don't even have that much of an opinion on? Yes, because that also comes up A LOT!

Last question: When Trump went to the G-20, but "canceled" his planned meeting with Vladimir Putin, did Wonkette not write an extremely hilarious post about all the places at the conference where Trump and Putin might secretly bump uglies (we mean their faces), because we never considered for one second that the meeting was really "canceled"? YES, WONKETTE CALLED THAT.

Trump "canceled" that meeting on November 29 of last year, while he was on Air Force One en route to the G-20, supposedly to punish Russia for its then-recent attack on Ukrainian Navy ships in the Azov Sea. Turns out they met anyway, according to the Financial Times, and yet again, there were no American translators or note-takers present, and the extent of the meeting was kept secret from the American government. That's right, he's hiding his "Russia" from his own people again.

The discussions between the US and Russian presidents occurred at the 19th-century Colón theatre in the Argentine capital, as world leaders and their spouses or guests were streaming out of the building.

Mr Trump was accompanied by Melania Trump, his wife, but no staff, while Mr Putin was flanked by his translator. The four of them sat at a table and were among the last to leave.

Why take somebody from the State Department when you have Melon? It's just the president of the United States sitting with his KGB handler, it's not like it's a big thing or nothin'. (Putin always has his people there. He probably also records every meeting with Trump.)

The accounts of people familiar with the conversation said it appeared longer and more substantive than the White House has acknowledged.

That just reminded us of this old sketch where, once everyone was out of the room, Ronald Reagan was Not A Idiot. But that just shows how silly our brains are, because Trump's brain could not do that, even on Saturday Night Live.

President Reagan, Mastermind -

According to a Russian government official's account, the two leaders spoke for about 15 minutes about a number of foreign policy issues, including the Azov Sea incident, and the conflict in Syria.

God knows what else they talked about, but WHOA HEY, they talked about Syria? How ODD, then, that just a few weeks later, Trump surprised the Pentagon and everybody else by declaring a sudden, premature and unplanned troop withdrawal from Syria, which appeared to be nothing less than Trump giving Putin one of the biggest presents on his whole entire Christmas list.

Just weeks after that Trump made the entire world scratch its head when, in his first Cabinet meeting of the new year, he gave a lesson on the Soviet war on Afghanistan from the Soviet perspective, which is just pretty odd, considering there is no American foreign policy expert of any ideology who would talk about that endless war from the Soviet perspective. We've been wondering who's filling Trump's head with this shit, because it's less scary to wonder about it than just to admit that the president of Russia is probably literally whispering into Trump's butt and giving him orders on what to do and what to say and what to believe.

It's also odd that we're hearing about this from "Russian government official," and not from "State Department," but then again, hiding Russian contacts is just par for the course in the Trump administration. Hell, Trump has gone so far as to use his tiny little paws to confiscate a translator's notes on one of his Putin meetings. And there was that time he snuck under the table at the 2017 G-20 to go sit with Putin, without telling any of his people. And there was that time in 2018 when he had a two-hour meeting with Putin in Helsinki, behind closed doors, before they did a joint press conference where Trump gazed adoringly at Putin while Putin LOLed at reporters' questions about Russian interference in our elections. TOTALLY NORMAL.

Meanwhile, Russia seems to be almost poking America by leaking this news out there and letting it hang in the air. Maybe it's their way of reminding Trump that Putin owns him.

On Tuesday, all of Trump's intel chiefs testified for the Senate Intelligence Committee, where Financial Times reports that this issue came up:

The issue surfaced in a congressional hearing on Tuesday when Gina Haspel, CIA head, and Dan Coats, director of national intelligence, were asked if US efforts to understand Russian activities would be harmed by their lack of information about what Mr Trump had discussed with Mr Putin.

"Clearly this is a sensitive issue and it's an issue that we ought to talk about this afternoon," Mr Coats told the Senate intelligence committee in a reference to a closed-door hearing that was scheduled to follow the open hearing in the morning.

Can't imagine why the FBI started an investigation to see if Trump is a literal actual Russian agent.

Hey, wouldn't it be nice if we could see the notes from the Trump-Putin meetings where translators and US officials have been present? Hahahahaha, we are kidding, very serious Republican Senator Richard Burr, the chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee, says Trump should totally call "executive privilege" on that, we guess because Putin is on the White House payroll now.

This is all fine, nothing to see here.

Go watch your Rachel Maddow for more.

[Financial Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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