Trump Rally Speakers Proclaim He's Still President, Caught Bin Laden, Invented Post-Its

Trump Rally Speakers Proclaim He's Still President, Caught Bin Laden, Invented Post-Its

There is a point at which a movie becomes so bad that it's actually good, that a day goes so incredibly wrong that it becomes hilarious and farcical, where a piece of jewelry or clothing is so hideous that you decide it is actually fantastic and your new favorite thing ever, and at which a line of bullshit becomes such incredible bullshit that it's actually just kind of impressive that anyone could or would bother to come up with said bullshit.

And boy, last night's Trump rally came pretty close to that last one. Attendees, speakers, everyone (including Trump) was just making shit up left and right.

First up, we've got this lovely lady — Julie from Ohio — explaining that the election was stolen from Trump but that Space Force knows all about it and is going to put him back in office where he belongs.

I'm just gonna transcribe this whole thing because it is ... it is really something. I think Julie might be onto something here.

The election, I believe, was stolen, but we know that. Space Force has it all. Trump has all the information. It’s gonna be overturned.

Reporter: What do you think the Space Force has?

Space force is a military branch just like the army, you know, all the military, and they literally, the night of the election, they literally watched the election be stolen. They know, they watermarked the ballots, they know exactly what happened with every ballot, they know what fake ballots, they saw, they knew the election switches, they know what countries were involved, they’ve followed the money, they know every politician that’s been paid off.

They know there was 269,000 sealed indictments, but I think it might even be up to 500,000 sealed indictments, and I believe that we’re gonna have an emergency broadcast, and the military’s gonna come in with martial law and we are gonna be shown 8 hours on, 8 hours off of videos for seven days, and they are gonna be showing us taped tribunals, taped confessions and the world is gonna be awakened to what’s really going on with the Deep State.

That sure seems like a real thing that is going to happen. The sealed indictments/emergency broadcast of tribunals thing has been a QAnon thing for a while, as has the belief that Trump created the Space Force to ... do stuff. I think most of the Space Force stuff likely comes from retired Colonel/January 6 insurrectionist Shawn Smith, who runs Cause for America, an "election integrity" group funded by Pillowman Mike Lindell — whether because he said it himself or because he was previously associated with the Space Force and the "anons" drew their own conclusions.

Moving on, we've got the pastor giving the opening prayer at the rally. A prayer which includes his belief that Trump is still president.

Here is the prayer, in case you want to include it in your own.

So we pray, father in heaven, we firmly believe that Donald J. Trump is current and true president of the United States. You have raised him up for this season of time to be used and be part of saving this nation.

Bless and protect him and his family from any physical, spiritual attacks and may his voice still the people to righteous action to bring godly men and women into elected office in Michigan and across America.

We declare that he will be back in office soon — very soon — in Jesus’ name. Amen. We pray the fraud in 2020 election will continue to be exposed and election decertified in Michigan, the battleground state, in our nation, in Jesus’ name.

And according to another pastor, Donald Trump is also president of Heaven. Hell, at this point there are probably some who think he is God, and a few who are pretty sure he's the Queen of England. It's always "Anything Can Happen Day" in Trumpland.

Next up, we've got Michigan congresswoman Lisa McClain angling for some Marjorie Taylor Greene-style street cred by claiming that Trump caught Bin Laden.

He must have done this while he was still hosting "The Apprentice," which is what he was doing in the year 2011 when Obama was president and Bin Laden was captured.

As for Trump himself, one of his better lines of bullshit was one he used before — one about how he won Michigan's Man of the Year award, which does not in fact exist.

Of course, if some conspiracy theorists are right and Trump (or his son Barron) can time travel, it is entirely possible that this happened on a version of earth that no longer exists and he just forgot.

Everything is possible in this, the stupidest of all worlds.

You may all open thread for now, Stephen and I will be back at 12pm Pacific/3pm Eastern and we hope you'll join us, and also that nothing weird will happen with the comments like last week!

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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