Trump Reaches 'Call Fox & Friends And Whine About How Awesome He Is' Stage Of Grief

Trump

Donald Trump continues to be just broken up by the loss of his brother Robert, who died during Trump's latest big golfing Fox News weekend. So he called into "Fox & Friends" this morning to tell stories and reminisce with some people who are paid to be nice to him.

Trump is very broken up, it is apparent. "He was my friend, I guess they say best friend, and that's true." They say Trump's little brother was his best friend. He guesses that is true.

Then Trump really started talking about how this is all affecting him:


TRUMP: A lot of times in families, I hate to say it, but there's jealousy, especially among children and among children that are competitive children, because he was very competitive. There was not an ounce of jealousy. He'd go around talking about how great this is for the country and it's so incredible. And he was my biggest fan." People would tell me all the time, 'I spoke to your brother, and your brother was so thrilled and so thrilled at what was happening and what was happening for the country.' He was so angry with China because of what happened where the plague came in and they shouldn't have allowed that to happen and hey could have stopped it. He was so upset by that, more than people would be upset.

So that is, um, approximately 100 percent about Donald Trump. Robert was HIS biggest fan, was not jealous of HIM at all, not even a little bit, and did he mention his brother was very angry at 'GIIIIIIIIIIINA, just like HE IS?

We all grieve differently, we guess.

Trump also grieved by saying maybe he will not willingly leave office if/when he loses to Joe Biden fair and square. And he yelled about Hillary Clinton a whole lot. "Crooked Hillary Clinton, during one of the debates," she asked if he would accept the results of the 2016 election, she is so crazy, Crooked Hillary. "I go by the election," said Trump, who actually will not commit to "going by the election" because he says dogs and dead people are getting ballots in California. (Here are some actual facts about mail-in ballot election fraud, and how it is not a thing.)

Point is, he is not committed to accepting the results of the election unless he is able to successfully rig it into another steal for him. "You're never going to have a fair election," says the president of the purported greatest democracy on the whole planet, who really seems hellbent on making this election as Kremlin-y as he possibly can.

There was also a weirdass thing where Trump said the Taliban is a lot like the "Fox & Friends" hosts, and Trump said some other things on "Fox & Friends" this morning, but it was all *GIANT WANKING MOTION DOT GIF* and we don't feel like talking about it.

OPEN THREAD. Oh, one other thing! If you are watching the Democratic convention, come watch it with your Wonkette, where we will have a livestream and free pony rides and lots of cake!* Eight p.m. eastern! Or maybe a little after!

Fuck, just come back here at "time."

*Probably no cake. Bring your own damn pony if you want to ride it so much.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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