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Hosanna! If we take Donald Trump at his word, we will now be spared any more nails-on-the-blackboard presidential debates. Yes, we are aware of the perils of taking Donald Trump at his word, but he does sound like he means it.

The Commission on Presidential Debates announced this morning that "In order to protect the health and safety of all involved ... the candidates would participate from separate remote locations." Note the conditional language here — that's probably an indication that the CPD had already gotten significant pushback from the Trump campaign before it made the announcement.

And indeed, campaign manager Bill Stepien immediately trotted out a statement worthy of the world class outfit he's run since taking over for Brad Parscale.

President Trump won the first debate despite a terrible and biased moderator in Chris Wallace, and everybody knows it. For the swamp creatures at the Presidential Debate Commission to now rush to Joe Biden's defense by unilaterally canceling an in-person debate is pathetic. That's not what debates are about or how they're done. Here are the facts: President Trump will have posted multiple negative tests prior to the debate, so there is no need for this unilateral declaration. The safety of all involved can easily be achieved without canceling a chance for voters to see both candidates go head to head. We'll pass on this sad excuse to bail out Joe Biden and do a rally instead.

Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.


Lest we forget, Trump's minions refuse to say when they think he caught COVID-19, or even when he last tested negative for the highly contagious virus. But at least eight attendees at the September 26 superspreaderpalooza for Judge Amy Coney Barrett are infected, and the White House is now "quietly" telling the Gold Star families who visited the president on September 27 that they may have been exposed at the event.

Both of which suggest that they suspect — or perhaps know for certain — that the president and his staff were already contagious at the September 29 debate. The same debate where the president and his entire family went back on their commitment to arrive at the Cleveland Clinic early enough to be tested on site, then removed their masks in the hall and refused to put them back on.

And, not for nothing, but the CDC's own guidelines call for Mike Pence to be in quarantine because he works in a goddamn COVID hotspot. But instead he was arguing with the CPD about erecting a plexiglass barrier to shield Kamala Harris from his exhalations during last night's debate, at the conclusion of which his wife came on stage sans mask, in direct contravention of the agreed upon guidelines.

So fucking spare us the lecture about safety protocols, because no one in the Trump orbit has done even the bare minimum to protect the people around them, even when they explicitly agreed to do so in advance.

Meanwhile over at Fox Business Network, Trump was blarping to Maria Bartiromo that it is NO FAIR and UNLEGAL to put the debates online where he can't interrupt. And besides, he's like, not even contagious at all.

TRUMP: I heard that the commission a little while ago changed the debate style. And that's not acceptable because I beat him easily in the first debate, according to the polls that I've seen. But I beat him easily. I felt I beat him easily. I think he felt it, too. He wouldn't answer any questions, and he had the protection of Chris Wallace all night long. I thought Chris Wallace was a disaster.

But I beat him at the first debate. At the second debate, we have a never-Trumper as a host. That's okay, because I'd beat him in the second debate also. But I'm not going to do a virtual debate.

BARTIROMO: So, Mr. President, you're not going to do it? Because the CPD, the Commission on Presidential Debates, announcing this morning that the second presidential debate will be virtual. You're saying you're not going to participate?

TRUMP: No, I'm not going to waste my time on a virtual debate. That's not what debating's all about. You sit behind a computer and do a debate — it's ridiculous. And then they cut you off whenever they want.

We have a host that's a never-Trumper. It came out that he's a never-Trumper. We do have some of them, believe it or not, Maria, because they don't like to win. So, I'm not going to a virtual debate.

Ummmm ... about those polls.

It's not news to anyone who watched the last debate that the president thinks shouting over your opponent during his speaking time — i.e. breaking yet another rule agreed to by both sides beforehand — is "what debating's all about." But it's quite a thing to see him admit it openly.

And speaking of stupid shit people just don't say out loud, get a load of this guy saying he doesn't believe he's contagious anymore.

"I'm back because I'm a perfect physical specimen," he told Bartiromo. Luckily she's been practicing her kiss-up act for years, so she managed not to burst out laughing. Total pro!

"First of all, I think I'm better. I'd love to do a rally tonight. I wanted to do one last night, but I think I'm better to a point that I feel better than I did, I jokingly said, 20 years ago. I feel perfect. There's nothing wrong," said the man who just moments before admitted he was still taking steroids.

"I don't think I'm contagious at all," he said, adding later that he hasn't been tested for coronavirus lately, but "I'm essentially very clean."

Which is just how science goes. Essentially.

In summary and in conclusion, Donald Trump is getting slaughtered in the polls and has now kicked over the table and said he won't be using his last lifeline to save himself by making Biden look stupid. Bigly smart, big fella!

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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