Trump Ruins George H.W. Bush's Funeral, By Sitting Down At It
You watchin' 41's home-going celebration? Yeah, us neither.
But we've been on Twitter to make sure we don't miss the good parts, and we can tell you For Official that there is one (1) good part, and it is the part where Donald and Melania Trump walk to their pews and sit down. Can you believe it? Those trash-ass people sitting in a row of actual presidents and first ladies? THE NERVE.
Trump is presumably sitting there and grimacing about everybody saying nice things about George H.W. Bush, as people come together in their bipartisan, American way, to say goodbye to a president who was pretty crap but we guess was a pretty nice guy to his friends and family. Trump is probably taking everything as a personal insult, because since Trump has no good qualities, every compliment delivered to another person, even if that person is just a dead body at the front of the room, seems like a personal slight. Hell, he's probably offended nobody is talking about him. (Directly. They're not talking about him directly.)
Of course, George H.W. Bush and his late wife Barbara Bush haaaaaaaaated Donald Trump. and George W. Bush and Laura Bush haaaaaaaate Donald Trump. And that's the Republicans!
Trump, though? He's sitting on a row of DEMOCRAT DEEP STATE PREZNITS. To his left are the Obamas, then the Clintons, and then the Carters.
Shall we watch a video of the row of presidents and first ladies chit-chatting and making jokes and giving each other mints, then abruptly stopping to give side-eye to the bloody human carbuncle who's come to crash their party? Shall we watch as Barack Obama is completely fucking gracious to Melania Trump, like he always is? (She likes him. They've been funeral buddies before.) Shall we watch Michelle just cold judging everything that's going on, up until the exact second it is time for her to smile and say hello to Donald Trump? Shall we watch Hillary Clinton sit there like GENERAL STONEFACE JACKSON, studiously looking in front of her so as not to lose her sense of decorum at an inopportune moment and accidentally do the Clinton Body Count to Trump right then and there? Shall we notice how the Clintons literally do not greet Donald Trump?
Damn, that is some must-see TV right there. It should come on after "Friends"!
Look closer at the part where the Clintons ignore Trump:
Look at Hillary. LOOK.
It's not that Hillary Clinton is rude or anything. She gives a polite "'Sup, bro" to Melania.
Look closer at Michelle Obama when she does the human thing and shakes Donald Trump's tiny hairy paw and then immediately goes back to paying attention to literally anything else, while probably mentally gaming out how soon she can wash her hands.
There is so much shade in that 53-second video, it is incredible.
Guess that's what happens when the current president is sitting next to a bunch of people he's insulted, called illegitimate, accused of faking their birth certificates, and called for prosecuting and LOCK HER UP-ping.
It's also what happens when you are in a room where 99.9% of the people present hate you.
Of course, George W. Bush and Laura Bush are seated where the family sits, so they're not in the row of former presidents and presidents who probably won't finish their first term in office. But you will be pleased to know that George W., when he came down the aisle and greeted the row, gave Michelle Obama another Candy Handy (shut up, just because we made it sound gross doesn't mean it's actually gross), because he loves passing her candy.
OK fine, "Candy Handy" is a pretty gross way of saying that.
Anyway, awwwwww, good funeral everyone, except for the part about how Donald Trump stank up the room with his stupid shit-face.
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