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Have we mentioned today that it is GO TIME? Yes, we think we have. TWICE! And here we are to say it again! Nancy Pelosi is pullin' the caucus together for a family meeting in a few minutes about the whos and the wheres of how to impeach the open sore currently sitting in the Oval Office, and Democrats are of course quibbling over whether the process will go exactly as they always imagined it would on their vision boards, but whatever. IT'S HAPPENING.

And it appears that it is also GO TIME for Donald Trump, the illegitimately "elected" president, but when we say "go time" for him, we mean the kind where it is "go time" in his panties, in the Depends way, not the sex way. (Allegedly.)


NOPE, wrong answer, do not pass go, do not collect $50, even though you probably need $50 because you're not as rich as you say you are, NOPE.

We don't want the transcript. Well, wait, yes, we DO want the transcript, but we already know that the whistleblower complaint isn't about one mere phone call, but rather an entire series of events, which is why we want THE WHOLE WHISTLEBLOWER COMPLAINT. Beltway reporters like Ken Dilanian might be that stupid, but the rest of us aren't.

First of all, this White House isn't to be trusted about anything, and that includes transcripts. They have already altered transcripts on very important issues, like issues related to whether or not Donald Trump is selling out American national security and acting as a traitor to his country with foreign leaders, which is ... the same as the current issue!

Also? THIS IS A PRESIDENT WHO DRAWS ON OFFICIAL WEATHER FORECASTS WITH SHARPIES WHEN THEY DO NOT CORRESPOND WITH WHATEVER WEATHER MAP HE SAW IN HIS HALLUCINATIONS.

Secondly, it doesn't matter if there was a quid pro quo where Trump said "I will give you the dollars I am personally shaking back and forth like tail feathers between my gargantuan buttock canyons, but only if you make up a fake investigation into Joe Biden!" If Trump (and Mike Pence and Mike Pompeo and Rudy Giuliani and ANYBODY ELSE) spent, say, two months or more sending the message to Ukraine that the president was personally doing the thing with the Ukrainian money in the buttock canyons and wouldn't stop until/unless an investigation was opened, then GAME OVER.

And that's not just us saying that. That's Nancy Pelosi saying that:

But whatever. The fact that Trump is now willing to serve up the transcript, desperately hoping it sates Democrats' appetites, tells us that fucker is scaaaaared. And we have an inkling of a tiny suspicion that the transcript of this one tiny phone call, in isolation, might be open to interpretation, but that the full whistleblower complaint tells a mighty different story.

Oh hey, speaking of Whistle McBlower:

Uh oh, 'sketti-O! Better change the president's panties so it can be GO TIME in a different pair of panties!

As we type this, it is T minus just under a couple hours or so until Nancy Pelosi walks out to the podium and says "INPEACH!" That means we have time for one more joke about Donald Trump pooping his pants, so um ... um ... um ...

Why did the chicken cross the road? DONALD TRUMP IS SHITTING HIS PANTS RIGHT NOW, WOCKA WOCKA!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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