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'Tis the season for Gallup to release its poll of the most popular kids in the whole entire universe! (Or more properly we should say "most admired," because that is what it actually is. And they didn't ask the whole universe, they just asked Americans.)

Surprise, Donald Trump isn't the most popular or admired. It's not like he doesn't have any friends or people who admire him or anything, so don't worry about the 45th president of the United States having to slow dance with himself in the corner with his back turned pretending he's making out with somebody when really he's just tongue-fucking loneliness. It's just that his friends are stinky and unbathed and racist and there aren't that many of them and there's no Electoral College in this poll to let him cheat his way in. Trump, as Gallup reports, is on his fourth year of being second place (first loser).

The winner, of course -- mentioned by 19 percent of respondents compared to Trump's 13 percent -- was that dude above, the last legitimately elected president of the United States, who was also the last legitimately American president and the last legitimately attractive president. As Gallup notes, he's been taking this prize for 11 years, running which, if you're keeping score, includes every year-end poll since he was elected in 2008, and also all three polls since Trump was elected. When will Trump overtake Barry Bamz-A-Lot? When pigs fly out of the pope's ass while he's shitting in the woods, that's when.

When Bamz beats Trump next year, he will be tied with Eisenhower for Dude Who Won This Thing The Most Times.

When Trump wins the title fucking never, he will be tied with Gerald Ford for Dude Who Sucks So Hard He Can't Even Win This Thing As The Goddamn American President.


Michelle Obama beat out Hillary Clinton this year for most admired woman with 15 percent of respondents mentioning her, compared to Hillary's four percent, because we guess Hillary didn't manage to ANOINT HERSELF and RIG IT like a common ... Beto, we guess? ... and also because MOVE OVER, HILLARY, IT'S TIME FOR NEW BLOOD. Hillary had been taking that prize for 16 years running, and has won it 22 times over the years! She wasn't even second place, either, because that went to Oprah with five percent. Perhaps most insulting of all, HRC was tied with First Lady #BeBest, she of the terrifying Winter Wonderland OF BLOOD.

There are other people on the list, if you are curious, people mentioned by enough respondents that they came up with one or two percent of the votes. Folks like Queen Elizabeth, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Nancy Pelosi and Ellen DeGeneres share space on the women's side with Nikki Haley for some reason, and on the men's side there's the pope, the Dalai Lama, the Bernie Sanders and the Joe Biden, sharing space with (ugh) Mike Pence and Elon Musk.

Who are the one percent of Americans who say the man they most admire is Mike Pence? We would like them to stay as far away from us as they possibly can.

The point of this post is that Barack Obama is still president and Donald Trump is just some stupid nightmare we're all going to wake up from sooner or later.

[Gallup]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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