Trump Sends Crazy Uncle Bill To Tell CIA How Chemtrails Hacked Our Election



Oh we guess we are supposed to tell you the story before we start ALL CAPS-ING our disgust and horror.

So, we know CIA Director Mike Pompeo is a Trump-sucking dipshit who is bad at his job and has been raising eyebrows among the career agency faithful ever since he moved his office from Langley to a warm corner inside Donald Trump's grundle slit. Out of all the sycophantic members of Trump's cabinet, it is the CIA director who seems most willing to vomit out whatever horseshit Trump believes, and that is horrifying. (Pompeo is also rumored to be the number one pick for State, once Rex Tillerson decides he's tired of working for the "fucking moron" and quit-fires himself.)

NBC News reports Pompeo recently took a meeting, at Trump's request, with a weirdo conspiracy theorist named Bill Binney, who came to say that, despite what EVERY FUCKING AMERICAN INTELLIGENCE AGENCY SAYS, the Russians didn't do the hacks in the 2016 election. It was a 400-pounder in New Jersey! It was Beyoncé! It was the Illuminati! It was chemtrails! It was ... THE DEMOCRATS:

At the urging of President Donald Trump, CIA Director Mike Pompeo met last month with a former U.S. intelligence official who advocates a fringe theory that the hack of the Democrats during the election was an inside job and not the work of Russian intelligence, the former official told NBC News.

"He's trying to find some factual evidence," said Bill Binney, a former code-breaker at the National Security Agency.

Yes well maybe Trump should knock Pompeo's cow-tipping ass out of the way and talk to the career analysts at the CIA and NSA if he wants some "factual evidence." But he does not want that at all, because A) Trump is unmistakably and terrifyingly beholden to the Russians for reasons we can only imagine and 2) any "factual evidence" about the election undermines Trump's belief that he won a historical negative three-million vote landslide ALL BY HIS ORANGE SELF.

As NBC reports, old Billy Fucknuts, age 74, left the NSA back in 2000, so we can be sure he's up on what Russian hackers are/are not doing. He probably found the smoking gun evidence by decoding a secret message during the "Wheel Of Fortune" bonus round!

The Intercept originally reported this news, and says Pompeo told Crazypants that Trump had specifically recommended the meeting:

During their hour-long meeting at CIA headquarters, Pompeo said Trump told him that if Pompeo “want[ed] to know the facts, he should talk to me,” Binney said.

Fucking hell, there seem to be decomposing squirrels inside the president's brain, yet nobody is doing anything about it.

Now, hopefully Pompeo was just caressing Boss Trump's nuts when he agreed to this meeting, and hopefully he was just tickling Uncle Bill's no-no when he "asked whether he would be willing to meet with NSA and FBI officials to further discuss his analysis of the DNC data theft," but we're not holding out hope, because Mike Pompeo is a very stupid man.

(For the record, the CIA says Pompeo still agrees with the intelligence community's unanimous assessment that Russia did it.)

(Also too, go fuck yourself with your "Pompeo went to West Point and Harvard" rigamarole. Maybe he's good at test-taking.)

Curious where Donald Trump found Uncle Bill? Barbecue sauce orgy at Alex Jones's house? NO, says The Intercept! It was likely during his 80 some-odd hours per week of Fox News TV time:

It is possible Trump learned about Binney and his analysis by watching Fox News, where Binney has been a frequent guest, appearing at least 10 times since September 2016. In August, Binney appeared on Tucker Carlson’s Fox show ...

Bloody fucking hell. Did we mention that the decomposing squirrel carcasses inside the president's head appear to be barebacking and making more dead squirrel babies?

The Intercept adds a lot of fun biographical details about just how bugfuck nuts Bill Binney is, including the factoid that he's in the process of setting up an "intelligence" outfit in Amsterdam called Pretty Good Knowledge. Was YOOGE TREMENDOUS SMART THINKING COMPANY already taken?

By the by, here is Russian foreign minister Sergey Lavrov cosigning this conspiracy theory:

Glad to know they're all on the same page.

Too bad the page appears to be covered in advance stage wombat brain syphilis.

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[NBC / The Intercept]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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