Congratulations, Joe Maguire, you just played yourself!

The story about Trump flipping out and firing his acting director of national intelligence, Joseph Maguire, because the intelligence community reached the blindingly obvious conclusion that Russia is trying to get him elected AGAIN, is fucked up six ways from Sunday. But let's not lose sight of the fact that just five months ago Maguire threw his body on the whistleblower hand grenade in a desperate effort to save the president from himself. And yesterday, for his troubles, he got tossed out like garbage.

THAT TRAIN IS NEVER LATE. And also, AS YE SOW, SO SHALL YE REAP. Plus a whole bunch of other aphorisms, probably.

Let's rewind the tape, shall we?


On July 25, after Trump's perfect, perfect shakedown call with the Ukrainian president — READ THE TD$SJJ!P66TTT! — approximately fifty people hotfooted it up to NSC lawyer John Eisenberg's office to tell him that something was very, very wrong. Within a week, AG Bill Barr and Eisenberg had heard from the CIA's general counsel that a whistleblower had come forward to make a formal complaint to the Intelligence Community Inspector General. And if, after a 14-day investigation, the ICIG found it credible, that complaint was going to land on the desk of the Director of National Intelligence, who would then have seven days to deliver it to Congress, according to the law.

Back in July, the DNI was Dan Coats, a highly respected veteran and former senator who had himself sat on the Senate Intelligence Committee. The odds that Coats would help Barr and Eisenberg bury the complaint in defiance of statute were basically nil, which is why they had to hustle him out of the building toot sweet, even before his scheduled August 15 departure date. By law, Coats's deputy Sue Gordon was to become Acting DNI upon his departure. But Gordon wasn't any more likely to play ball than Coats, so she also had to be pushed out of the way, ending a thirty-year career in intelligence because it got in the way of Trump's coverup.

Remember when Gordon said, "I offer this letter as an act of respect and patriotism, not preference?"

For a hot second, Trump tried to make that sycophantic dipshit congressman John Ratcliffe his new DNI, but that plan had to be scrapped after it emerged that Ratcliffe had made one or twelve tiny exaggerations on his resume. But the clock was ticking, since the ICIG had received the whistleblower report on August 12, and they needed someone loyal in the DNI spot FAST, or it might fall into the hands of an actual civil servant who wouldn't let them shout EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE and bury it in the classified vault.

Luckily they had just the guy. And his name was ... Retired Vice Admiral Joseph Maguire! And that, boys and girls, is how Bill Barr and John Eisenberg made goddamn sure they'd have someone who would obediently hand that complaint over and then trot his stars-and-bars ass out on television and say it was absolutely necessary for him to violate the law and withhold the complaint from Congress.

Remember when Republican Rep. Chris Stewart tried to shame Democrats for having the nerve to accuse Maguire of wrongdoing because, "for someone who hasn't served in the military, I don't think they realize how deeply offensive it is to have your honor and your integrity questioned"? Remember when he said, "Good luck convincing the American people that he has done anything [other] than what he thinks is right. And if you think it scores political points with your friends who have wanted to impeach this president from the day he was elected, then keep going down that road."

LOL, yep, that's the very same Chris Stewart who lost his shit when Maguire's deputy Shelby Pierson had the nerve to come before the House Intelligence Committee and tell them that the actual intelligence the CIA, NSA, DNI, DOJ, and DHS are receiving shows that Putin is trying to get Trump re-elected. Because when facts on the ground don't confirm your prior beliefs, the facts must be wrong!

Donald Trump berated Maguire in front of multiple members of the White House staff, accusing him of treacherously providing aid and comfort to Adam Schiff, and then unceremoniously kicked him to the curb. And yet, Chris Stewart, stalwart ally of his fellow military brethren, says not a word to defend this heroic veteran! Fam, we are shook.

No, not really. Stewart is a giant whore who's made no secret of wanting the DNI job for himself. Nor are we shedding any tears for Maguire, who took the job after Coats and Gordon got shoved out on the ice floe, and then participated in the coverup of the whistleblower complaint. But we will say it's INTERESTING that yet another witness to the Ukraine debacle, someone who has firsthand knowledge of exactly what Barr and Eisenberg did to make that whistleblower complaint disappear, finds himself at the bottom of a dumpster behind the White House under yesterday's tuna platter from the staff luncheon.

Sure, loyalty with Donald Trump is always a one-way street. But what an amazing coincidence that this guy gets frogmarched out in ignominy just days after Gordon Sondland and the Vindman brothers got the shiv, huh?

MUCH AMAZING. SO COINCIDENCE. Yep, you betcha. And also, KARMA'S A BITCH.

[Maguire Testimony, via Just Security]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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