Trump So Upset People Called Him Bunker Baby, He Wanted To EXECUTE THE LEAKER!!!1!!!!!

Trump

Book excerpt time! It's from the new Michael Bender book, not the Michael Wolff, so it's the one people are already looking at as more "truth," as opposed to "truthy," whether or not that's totally fair. This is the book that also has stories about the loving things Donald Trump said about Hitler.

This one is just charming, if by charming you mean terrifying. It's also kind of funny, because it demonstrates just how deeply Trump feels every slight, how self-conscious he is, how self-loathing, how weak, how broken.

Last May, Donald Trump earned a new nickname, and it was Bunker Baby, because during the peaceful protests, Trump had reportedly been rushed down to the White House bunker by the Secret Service. We assume he was scared because the Secret Service had visual confirmation that there were Black people within a five-mile radius. (He hasn't earned the right to more charitable interpretations.) The internet immediately was like "Yeah OK, #BunkerBitch." They turned off all the lights at the White House. It looked so pathetic. His entire Twitter that weekend — haha, he used to be allowed on Twitter — was so Shaky McShitterpants, it was ridiculous.

Several days later, in the most pathetic attempt at saving face imaginable, he claimed to Fox News that he went to the bunker merely to inspect it. OK, Inspector Bunker Baby.

And CNN has an excerpt from Bender's book what says the Bunker Baby was SO MAD at whoever leaked the story about him being a total Bunky Brewster that he raged that the leaker had committed TREASON and should be EXECUTED.


Bender writes in the book, titled "Frankly, We Did Win This Election: The Inside Story of How Trump Lost," [link swapped for Wonkette affiliate link] that Trump, in the days following his time in the bunker, held a tense meeting with top military, law enforcement and West Wing advisers, in which he aired grievances over the leak.

"Trump boiled over about the bunker story as soon as they arrived and shouted at them to smoke out whoever had leaked it. It was the most upset some aides had ever seen the president," Bender writes.

Of all the things for Trump to be "most upset" about, it was something that showed the world what a crying wuss he really is. That's about as on-brand as a rancid Trump steak.

"'Whoever did that, they should be charged with treason!' Trump yelled. 'They should be executed!'" the book reads.

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

We mean, that's terrifying, because he really is a great big orange Hitler with tiny hands, and we must do everything we can to make sure he never gets near power ever again, but hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Poor guy was having so many feelings that week! He was like the Johnson & Johnson baby before it got the No More Tears shampoo. You know, allegedly.

Then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows "repeatedly tried to calm the president as startled aides avoided eye contact," Bender writes, adding that Trump's top aide told his boss: "I'm on it. We're going to find out who did it."

Trump, angry over the leak for days, "repeatedly asked Meadows if he'd found the leaker," with his top aide becoming "obsessed" with finding the source, according to the book, which noted that "those who said they'd heard the president issue that warning had interpreted the outburst as a sign of a president in panic."

Did anyone consider a ThunderShirt? Do they make them that big?

Trump spox Liz Harrington says this story is lies, but Trump people are inveterate liars, so fuck them. (Also Liz Harrington had a bit part in a Wonkette story about ridiculous Trump assholes yesterday, where she said the words, "The only thing that's a joke is the idea that Joe Biden got 81 million votes." So, you know, consider the source. She's a walking assclown.)

One of the things that hurts tyrants and wannabe tyrants the most — like all the way to the center of their stupid, black hearts — is being made fun of. That was an extremely effective weekend of the entire globe making fun of Donald Trump. He heard it. He felt it in his brittle bones. He knew everybody was laughing and mocking and pointing at him. And apparently in response, he literally started talking executions.

Apropos of nothing, here's a .gif of Donald Trump trying to walk down that ramp at West Point, because that was another really good weekend of the whole universe laughing at Trump. Watch it with joy in your heart, and imagine he's being led to a secret bunker where he can cry a lot.

Giphy

[CNN]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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