Is President Space Force Having A Space Stroke?
Donald Trump hasn't been very busy today, because he is a lazy ass who lives in the People's House on the People's Dime and he doesn't really want to work. Also it's way funner for him to stay in the White House residence in his underpants and live-tweet his Executive Time while he ignores his wife Melon.
But he did some stuff today! Like for instance, he spelled "border" wrong in this bullshit racist lie tweet that's been up for over five hours now:
Also the so-called president held a quick little event where he called for SPACE FORCE, because SPACE IS COOL and ARMY GUYS WITH BOMBS ARE COOL, which means by extension SPACE BOMBS WOULD BE THE COOLEST. It was at a meeting of the National Space Council, and we are not sure if Trump was having a stroke at the time, but we wouldn't be surprised:
I'm hereby directing the Department of Defense and Pentagon to immediately begin the process necessary to establish a Space Force as the sixth branch of the Armed Forces. That's a biiiiiiig statement!
Yes, Mister Trump, biiiiiiig statement from biiiiiiiig president with completely normal sized hands and penis and very good brain! Tell us more!
We are going to have the Air Force! And we are going to have the Space Force!
But how can both of those things be in the sky AT THE SAME TIME, Mister Trump?
Separate but equal!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING, MISTER TRUMP? NO SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?
Oh well, no matter, at least he didn't say the new Space Force would only count as three fifths of one Air Force, it's not like he's a monster or anything.
(FACTCHECK: He is actually a monster. A vapid monster whose encroaching senility we are forced to liveblog every single day, but a monster nonetheless.)
After his declaration, Trump asked "General Dunford" to make him a Space Force, and he spun around a bunch of times looking for "General Dunford." We are sure "General Dunford" is a real guy, you betcha, Mister Trump! We see your friend, "General Dunford"!
(General Joseph Dunford is the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. We are sure he's real busy drawing up plans for Space Force for the president right now, just like the President ordered, because this is a very real thing that is definitely going to happen.)
Final thoughts, Mister Trump?
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THE SPACE FORCE.
Like fuck we are, about five minutes after you get your dumb fucking Mexico wall, you vile old shit.
As CNBC points out, Trump has been having sweet fantasies about SPACE FORCE for a while now. Unfortunately, CNBC also notes that last year, when the idea for SPACE FORCE was actually proposed last year under the name Space Corps and as a division of the Air Force, the secretary of Defense was against it and the idea didn't make it out of Congress. But maybe that plan for SPACE FORCE was bad because it was going to be part of the Air Force instead of "separate but equal," and Trump really is most comfortable when things are "separate but equal."
Back to our original question? Did Trump have a stroke just then, or is that just how he is? Because if he had a stroke, he should see if Melania's "kidney doctor" can refer him to a "neurologist," and if that's just how he is, he should resign immediately and still probably go see that neurologist.
Either way, thoughts 'n' prayers for Space Force, Mister Trump, ROCKET SHIP GO VRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!