Mean Feds Took Away Trump's Classified Reverse Night Light Binky Folder, Now His Bedroom's Too Bright :(

Mean Feds Took Away Trump's Classified Reverse Night Light Binky Folder, Now His Bedroom's Too Bright :(

We feel like it's been a minute since we've talked about the state secrets Donald Trump stole. We guess Republicans and the media had to take a break to be scared of balloons.

Anyhow. One of Donald Trump's lawyers was on the news this weekend, a guy we haven't seen doing the TV rounds before. And he explained that the most recent classified thing they turned over to investigators was just an empty folder marked "classified," but that it was serving a very special purpose at Trump's house. (Go ahead and familiarize yourself with The Folder here, because we have a sneaking suspicion it might be more important than they're saying.)

Timothy Parlatore downplayed the folder on CNN as “one of the more humorous aspects of this whole thing” and claimed it “means nothing” because it was empty.

Ha ha ha, fuckin' funny as shit, man. Wait, was that the funny part?

He said the folder marked “Classified Evening Summary” was found in Trump’s bedroom at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.

LOL! Wait, was that the funny part? Is the joke the idea of Donald Trump reading briefing papers at night?

“He has one of those landline telephones next to his bed, and it has a blue light on it, and it keeps him up at night,” Parlatore said. “So he took the manila folder and he put it over it so that it would keep the light down so he could sleep at night.”

That's why they couldn't return this classified folder, because we guess it was the only thing Trump had available to cover up that blue light. The only thing in all of Mar-a-Lago.

These people are fucking weirdos, man. And just so absurdly full of shit.

He claimed Justice Department investigators “went crazy” when they learned about the folder and issued a subpoena for it.

We are surmising that "went crazy" is Trump team talk for "demanded yet another stolen classified document be returned by Donald Trump."

But nothing to worry about, because again, this wasn't a normal classified document. It was Donald Trump's Classified Bedtime Reverse Night Light Binky, and now the government has taken it away, and we bet it's far too bright in his bedroom for sleeping now!

Bless his heart. Are the feds happy?

Here is the video clip if you'd like to see an actual idiot make these excuses with your own eyes.

Trump still needs to be locked underneath the jail for all this.


[Yahoo! News]

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Evan Hurst

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