Trump Stuffs (Acting) Chief Of Staff Mick Mulvaney In Trunk, Ships Him To Northern Ireland
Mick Mulvaney is no longer the (acting) chief of staff in Donald Trump's White House reality show. The president bid a fond farewell to Mulvaney Friday through his medium of choice, Twitter.
You'll notice that Trump declares Rep. Mark Meadows his new, real-live chief of staff before announcing that he's sending his old, fake-ass chief of staff Mulvaney off to learn the casino business. He'll probably drops the news the same way when he recasts the first lady in a last-ditch effort to raise his approval ratings.
Meadows was reportedly offered the job on Thursday. It's hard to keep track of all of Trump's chief of staffs. They sort of run together for me like King Henry's wives after Anne Boleyn, but if Mulvaney was the "WTF?" Anne of Cleves version, that makes Meadows Trump's Catherine Howard. Maybe it'll turn out better for him.
The North Carolina congressman is the same creep who "forgot" about making racist jokes about sending Barack Obama "back to Kenya" in 2012. During a congressional hearing last year, he trotted out a former black employee of Trump's and propped her up behind him like a waxwork. You see, Trump so graciously hiring a black woman once proved conclusively that he wasn't racist. And liberals want to put Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill.
Meadows announced in December that he wasn't running for re-election. His district is so conservative he won his last race during 2018's Blue Wave with almost 60 percent of the vote. He could've easily survived a potential GOP rout in November, but a Democratic-controlled House is no place for a Trump stooge -- not when he could work in the White House for what we all hope is Trump's last year in office. He'd still outlast Reince Priebus.
Mulvaney was the temp chief of staff who never went perm. It's hard to say he experienced a fall from grace. Trump once threw Mulvaney out of the Oval Office because he coughed during an interview. That's usually a good sign not to buy more business cards. He also had a bad habit of implicating the president in assorted crimes during the press briefings Stephanie Grisham never conducted herself.
New York Times White House correspondent Annie Karni revealed this sad shit: At Stephen Miller's
black mass wedding last month, Meadows and his wife Debbie sat at a table with the president, Jared Kushner, Kellyanne Conway, treasury secreatary Steve Mnuchin, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, and national security adviser Robert O'Brien. Mulvaney was placed at a separate table with Mike Pence's chief of staff, Mark Short, and presumably single friends of the bride.
The last special envoy to Northern Ireland was Gary Hart under Obama. Trump never filled the position, but I guess he was searching for a consolation prize for Mulvaney more impressive than a set of steak knives. It's not so bad. Northern Ireland is beautiful and Mulvaney has family ties to the region. Meanwhile, Meadows is becoming Trump's number two man in the White House just as his administration's response to the coronavirus is going to shit. Who would want to work for Trump during what will probably feel like the last half hour of Goodfellas? Mulvaney should just kick back with some Guinness and chill.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).