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Exciting sports news this weekend: Donald Trump campaign events are now the third most popular contact sport behind football and hockey, after members of the audience at a Trump rally in Birmingham, Alabama, beat and kicked a protester Saturday morning. Thankfully, Trump did what he could to calm the situation when the man started shouting "Black lives matter!" With characteristic wit and charm, Trump yelled from the stage "Get him the hell out of here, will you, please? ... Get him out of here. Throw him out!” CNN's Jeremy Diamond captured the frenzy on video:

The protester, Birmingham activist Mercutio Southall Jr., told AL.com that white Trump supporters called him "nigger" and "monkey," while punching, kicking, and trying to choke him:

"They said 'Go home, n****r, and somebody punched me,'' Southall said. "I punched back. You know don't do the turn-the-other-cheek (expletive)."

Southall said that while he was being beaten, he was thinking "I'm not dying today...I've got (expletive) to do. They're not fixing to kill me," which strikes us as a fairly practical Daily Affirmation. As he was escorted from the room by police, Southall flipped off the crowd, which again seems a healthy coping strategy. The Washington Post reports that as Southall was being roughed up and dragged away, parts of the crowd chanted "All lives matter," a cheerful counterpoint to the alleged racial slurs.

Here's another video, showing Trump urging the removal of Southall and complaining that the media will probably give the guy too much attention, because no one is ever fair to Donald Trump:

[contextly_sidebar id="U4to4PmgIJ7xSjcl1Knk7qAs05v86Gcc"]Trump campaign spokeswoman Hope Hicks, who should be used to cleaning up after Trump supporters by now, told CNN, "The campaign does not condone this behavior." It's anyone's guess whether she meant the mob punching Southall or Southall interrupting Trump.

On Fox News Sunday, Trump said he wasn't especially bothered by his supporters' behavior:

“Maybe he should have been roughed up, because it was absolutely disgusting what he was doing,” Trump said ... “I have a lot of fans, and they were not happy about it. And this was a very obnoxious guy who was a trouble-maker who was looking to make trouble.”

The Washington Post delicately notes that these comments marked "a change in tone from just a month ago, when Trump would regularly tell his audiences not to harm the protesters who often infiltrate his rallies."

Pundits and bookies are working together to predict when the first actual human sacrifice will occur at a Trump rally. Few believe that Trump is likely to get as far as the Iowa caucuses without at least one rally-related maiming. Sources within the Trump campaign tell Yr Wonkette that the candidate has not yet decided whether to include ritualized violence as a regular part of campaign events or simply to let the mayhem develop at its own pace.

[WaPo / CNN / Slate / AL.com]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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