Trump Taking Hydroxybonermagic 3000, Or Maybe He's Lying, I Really Don't Care, Do U?

Donald Trump announced Monday that he is not only the president of pushing hydroxychloroquine as an unproven snake oil prophylactic against getting the novel coronavirus, he's also a client.

TRUMP: And a lot of good things have been coming out about the hydroxy, a lot of good things have come out. And you'd be surprised how many people are taking it, especially the frontline workers, before you catch it. The frontline workers, many many are taking it. I happen to be taking it! I happen to be taking it! I'm taking it! Hydroxychloroquine! Right now, yeah! Couple weeks ago, I started taking it!


Trump explained that he asked the White House doctor for it, and the doctor was like "OK." And it wasn't because he owns the company that makes Hydroxybonermagic 3000, he doesn't own that, it's just that he loves this drug very much, Hydroxybonermagic 3000, and also zinc. He further explained that he has not been exposed to COVID-19, but he got a letter from a doctor he has never heard of, who wants nothing from him, except for Trump to know how awesome Hydroxybonermagic 3000 is.

There are several possibilities here that we can see:

1) He is lying, he is not taking it, no doctor in their right mind would give hydroxychloroquine to a man with the risk factors Donald Trump has. He is saying he is taking it, because he needs a win. And he's fine! It can't hurt you! (It can hurt you.) And he just really wants to distract the news media from a number of other things, like the burgeoning Mike Pompeo Saudi arms deal scandal, or the "over 90,000 confirmed dead of coronavirus" scandal, or something we don't even know about yet.

Also, as CNN's John Berman explained, in Trump's tiny brain, claiming to take Hydroxybonermagic 3000 is "owning the libs," so maybe he is doing that.

2) He is not lying, he is taking it, because he is absolutely that stupid. And still the thing about "owning the libs" in his tiny brain.

3) He is not lying. He really truly believes he is taking it. He asked the doctor for it, and the doctor said, "OK!" The doctor gives him a white pill every day, and says it is "hydroxychloroquine and zinc." It is actually blood pressure medicine and Valtrex. And it's fine, it's not hurting him, because it is blood pressures and herpes medicines! Allegedly!

Oh well, mark it on your calendars, because today is the day we said two out of the three possibilities for something Donald Trump said are that he's not lying. For the record, White House doctor Sean Conley released a letter last night confirming that yes, he and Trump have talked about it, but not actually confirming that he wrote Trump a prescription or that he is having the White House chef mash up the pills in the special sauce in Trump's nightly Big Macs.

Fox News may be pretty sure hydroxychloroquine is good to take as a prophylactic against COVID-19, just like hydroxychloroquine is a prophylactic for malaria. Unfortunately, the fact of the matter is all the scientists who have studied Trump's chosen snake oil cure lately have determined that hydroxychloroquine is pretty much useless against COVID-19.

Meanwhile, when the VA looked at it, it found that more people with COVID-19 died with the hydroxy than died without it.

But no matter, because it can't hurt you! Except in the following ways, as listed out on Twitter by pandemic expert Laurie Garrett.

Lots of heart issues, and also hallucinations and hair loss, not that we think anyone would be able to tell the difference.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi got a bit more direct about it last evening on the Anderson Cooper TV program, explaining that she is just very concerned about a man of Donald Trump's age and weight class taking hydroxychloroquine, considering his, ahem, shall we say, risk factors. Pelosi noted Trump's age, and also that Trump is "morbidly obese, they say," that's right, she added they say. Because when Nancy Pelosi throws shade, she throws down like a motherfucker.

"He's our president, and I would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists," Pelosi said on CNN in a now-viral clip, "especially in his age group, and in his, shall we say, weight group: 'Morbidly obese,' they say."

The internet fought about that a lot last night, and that is all we are going to say about that.

Fox News's Neil Cavuto was shocked by Trump's announcement, and broke from the Fox News party line by stressing that for people in high risk categories, to PLEASE NOT LISTEN TO DONALD TRUMP, because this shit can LITERALLY KILL YOU, yes, the words that came out of Cavuto's mouth were "IT WILL KILL YOU."

Donald Trump did not like that very much.

Don't worry, Trump was back to kissing Fox News's ass this morning.

In summary and in conclusion, Donald Trump is taking Hydroxybonermagic 3000, or maybe he is lying, or maybe he thinks he's taking it but he's not, and we're sure it's fine, unless it causes him to die of a heart attack, and that is the end of our train of thought about this.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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