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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


After Paul Manafort failed to come correct on his his Russian blood money, he made his pissed off Russian partners an offer they couldn't refuse.

The Trump Taxes are here, and the loudest assholes in the room are the press who keep asking why are all these super rich people getting a fucking tax cut?

Sen. Lisa Murkowski is taking headshots at zombie TrumpCare, telling her colleagues that any health care law needs to be bipartisan.

Democrats are playing a dangerous game and daring Republicans to keep trying to strip healthcare from all the poors.

Because he's not happy picking fights with just one or two countries in Not America, Trump is now starting a trade war with Canada.

Now that Puerto Rico is a No Man's Land, Florida Democrats are opening their arms to welcome all the potential new voters who could tip the scales in future elections.

Trump is apparently pissed at Tom Price for skipping around fly-over country on fancy planes. Maybe he should have used Trump Air?

It's not just Tom Price who refuses to fly in steerage, Scott Pruitt has been using chartered military flights to avoid rubbing elbows with the rest of us regular folk.

Good news, heathens! A US District Judge has struck down a Kentucky anti-abortion law that required ultrasounds before abortions.

People in Baltimore's "Kushnerville" want to drag Prince Kushner into court and sue his smarmy ass for ruining their lives with with nickel and dime fees.

Some brain cases at one of those fancy schools crunched some numbers and found that Russian social media bullshit brainwashed racist uncles in swing states like Pennsyltucky, Florida and Michigan to push Trump over the edge.

A couple of Russian trolls were using a Muslim nonprofit's hacked Facebook account to shitpost bad memes and troll Hillary Clinton and John McCain.

In a desperate attempt to fall off the same cliff as the Trump Train, Paul Ryan was kicking Mitch McConnell on Hannity last night. He had charts, and graphs, just like Ross Perot!

Don't you dare tell Tucker Carlson he's a racist, or a white nationalist, or an ignorant fuck stick in a suit who doesn't know the first thing about struggling to survive on less than minimum wage like a common poor! Why, he just might make snippy comments on his teevee show about you!

Two weeks ago, when Little Donnie dumped his Secret Service chaperones and people started freaking out, he had actually decided to go moose hunting in Canada -- and he would have gotten away with it too, except he's A Idiot.

How bad is it to be broke AND black in America? Hint: It's really bad. And may Crom help you if you need to file for bankruptcy.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Prevost Squirrels!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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