Trump Thinks It's SO FUNNY How Mike Pence Wants To Hang All The Gays, Like LOL!


Donald Trump knows a hilarious thing when he sees it, and THIS is hilarious:

A staff member from Trump’s campaign recalls him mocking Pence’s religiosity. He said that, when people met with Trump after stopping by Pence’s office, Trump would ask them, “Did Mike make you pray?” Two sources also recalled Trump needling Pence about his views on abortion and homosexuality. During a meeting with a legal scholar, Trump belittled Pence’s determination to overturn Roe v. Wade. The legal scholar had said that, if the Supreme Court did so, many states would likely legalize abortion on their own. “You see?” Trump asked Pence. “You’ve wasted all this time and energy on it, and it’s not going to end abortion anyway.” When the conversation turned to gay rights, Trump motioned toward Pence and joked, “Don’t ask that guy—he wants to hang them all!”


Now, to be fair to Pence, it's possible he never said he wants to "hang them all," but rather that he likes his gays well hung. You know, like with big old dicks. Not that we would ever suggest that Mike Pence might secretly be a Hungry Hungry Hippo for cock, or that in his fantasies he is Mr. Bucket and all the balls are in his mouth.

Why would we suggest that? Mother Pence would not approve.

Does this guy look like a closet gay to you?

Anyway, this lovable anecdote about how Trump -- who just got back from reassuring the troubled sheep at the Values Voter Summit that the era of Obama executing people for saying "MERRY CRIMMUS!" is over, and moreover, that he is going to end all the attacks on their Judeo-Christian values (dogwhistle: gays 'n' abortion!) -- laughs at his viciously homophobic vice president comes from a long profile from Jane Mayer in The New Yorker examining the particular dangers of a Pence presidency.

Among gay rights and abortion rights supporters, there's a real conversation about whether Donald Trump, the addled septuagenarian with his anger-fingers on the nuclear codes, is the greatest threat to America, or would a President Pence be even worse? He is, after all, a true believer. His record on LGBT and women's issues both as a congressman and as governor of Indiana was horrifying.

Pence's crusade against Planned Parenthood led to clinic closures all over Indiana, which then led (SHOCKINGLY) to an HIV outbreak in a tiny county at the southern end of the state. He signed one of the most aggressively insane anti-abortion laws ever written (which was later killed by a judge). It would have required funerals for fetuses! And as Mayer's profile points out, decades ago, when he ran the Indiana Policy Review Foundation, he wrote an article arguing that unmarried sluts shouldn't get slut pills, because Pence is pretty sure his religious beliefs give him the right to control ALLLLL your lady parts.

And Donald Trump is right: Mike Pence hates gays SO MUCH. He called for AIDS funding to be diverted to "ex-gay" therapy, because why help AIDS patients if they're not sorry for their wrong-fucking? He literally (OK, figuratively) jizzed himself in public defending that awful Indiana Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which would have allowed people to discriminate against all the gays they want, as long as they promise they're doing it for Jesus. Even after a massive backlash led Indiana to pass a "fixed" version of the bill that wasn't quite as gay-hatey, Pence kept looking for ways to discriminate against the gays.

Mayer quotes Pete Buttigieg, the openly gay Democratic mayor of South Bend, Indiana, who sums it up simply: "He's a zealot."

Apropos of nothing, Mayer's profile also reveals that Mike Pence's childhood nickname was "Bubbles."


As we said, Mayer's entire profile is worth reading. She gives some good biographical details, describing how Pence was a good little Catholic boy, until he went to a liberal arts college and fell in with the wrong crowd, which was evangelical Christians. Before that, he had been thinking about joining the priesthood.

Instead of choosing a life where he would be in close quarters with sex-starved men literally all the time, he accepted the ultimate Man into his heart, whose name is Jesus. Also, once in law school, he met Mother:

Pence took her ice-skating; she made him taco salad for dinner. Soon, anticipating a proposal, she began carrying in her purse a gold cross with the inscription “Yes.” Eight months after they began dating, he asked her to marry him, having buried a ring box in a loaf of bread that he’d brought on a walk, ostensibly to feed ducks. They shellacked the loaf. Pence’s friends have called Karen his “prayer warrior.”

And now he hates gays so much he wants to hang them all! LOL!

There's no projection going on here. Nope. Shhhhhhhhh.


So, who really would be the scarier president? We personally still think it's Trump, a petulant child who has to always have handlers present to prevent him from blowing up the entire world.

But President Pence? Boy I don't know.

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[The New Yorker]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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