Trump Thinks Taxpayers Should Be Happy To Pay Someone To Do Mike Pompeo's Dishes
On Friday night, Donald Trump fired State Department Inspector General Steve Linick, citing a lack of confidence in him. Over the weekend it was revealed that Linick's firing may have had something to do with the fact that he was investigating Secretary of State Mike Pompeo for using a staffer — whose salary is paid by taxpayers — as a personal assistant. (Also there was the small matter of a possible illegal arms sale to Saudi Arabia, as there so often is.) Instead of doing whatever that staffer is actually supposed to be doing, they were doing Mike Pompeo's dishes, picking up his dry cleaning, making reservations for him and doing magic tricks at his birthday parties, probably.
"Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?"
I am going to give you a moment to sit and imagine what today would be like on rightwing news media if we were back during Obama-times and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had a government staffer going around being the Andy Sachs to her Miranda Priestly. It seems like a thing that would not have gone over particularly well! In fact, it seems like a thing that would have become a huge thing that people would never have stopped talking about.
But these are not those times. And, perhaps almost more importantly, Mike Pompeo is not a woman.
As such, Donald Trump has declared that, actually, this is totally fine and he would rather have Pompeo on the phone with Kim Jong Un talking about nuclear weapons than doing dishes — and if his wife or kids are not around to do the dishes, having a taxpayer-funded staffer do it is not a problem. I mean, next you'll be expecting a very important man to wheel his own baby in a carriage down the street!
"Here's a man that is supposed to be negotiating war and peace with major, major countries with weaponry like the world has never seen before," Trump told reporters at the White House. "And the Democrats and the fake news media, they are interested in a man who is walking their dog."
"Maybe he's busy. Maybe he's negotiating with Kim Jong Un, OK, about nuclear weapons." [...]
"He's a very brilliant guy. And now I have you telling me about dog walking, washing dishes — and you know what? I would rather have him on the phone with some world leader than have him wash dishes — because maybe his wife isn't there or his kids aren't," said Trump. "What are you telling me? It's terrible. It is so stupid. You know how stupid that sounds to the world? Unbelievable."
Of course, there is an alternate solution to this. Mike Pompeo could hire someone, with his own money, to do his dishes and walk his dog and make his reservations. Heck! Donald Trump could hire someone, with his own money, to do such things for Mike Pompeo. What? We can't afford socialized healthcare but we can afford socialized Mr. Belvederes (or as I call him, Brocktoon), for dudes Donald Trump thinks shouldn't have to do the dishes?
Now, here. I am not totally unreasonable. If this is a perfectly ethical thing to do, then Donald Trump ought to convince an elected official who truly loves him to propose and pass a new bill guaranteeing all elected and appointed officials their very own personal butler. That way, it's all on the up and up and it's not just one guy who gets a butler while everyone else has to do their own dishes or pay someone else to do their dishes. As a bonus, Mike Pompeo won't have to take other people who are not technically butlers away from the jobs they are actually supposed to be doing so that they can go fetch his dry cleaning. And if he does do that, then he won't have to worry about any Inspectors General investigating his buddies for having staffers iron their underwear.
Then Trump and all of the other Republicans across the land can run on this in November.
Surely, conservatives across the country would support such a bill and would be more than happy to fund Nancy Pelosi's personal butler if it means that Mike Pompeo would never again have to greet another state official with dishpan hands.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse